Well the holiday season is almost over for the year. I am very excited for the new year as 2009 really wasn't my best. I have the amazing blessing of my son but as a whole, it had some very stressful moments. As the year draws to an end, my cat decided to use my coat as a litter box while we where driving back from PA. Yes, we allow all of our animals to run free in the car which makes for some interesting looks and now interesting and very smelly stories.

So this brings me to the thoughts of my New Years resolutions. I am unsure why I make them (or most of us do) but it does at least give us a temporary to do list before it all falls to the waist side. Me, I want health for my family, happiness, weight loss (don't we all) and a drama free year. I will take any good drama but considering my luck at winning lottery tickets, probably not happening!

So here's to a healthy, happiness and prosperous New Year. Bring on 2010!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE Linz Family!!

Dear Friend,

Imagine for a moment that you're far away from your family and friends. You might know when you will be home again, but that date is so distant it's hard to imagine. You're cold and lonely and really miss the simple things -- like talking to your kids on the phone.

That's what it is like for troops in Afghanistan and Iraq.

But you can make it possible for them to call home and hear the sound of their daughter's voice, or listen to their son's excited recap of a basketball game.

Our troops sacrifice so much for the rest of us. Today, you can show your appreciation in a very real way.

Donate $25 or more now to support Operation Phone Home and give troops the chance to make a call to their loved ones over the holidays.

https://www.uso.org/donate/custom.aspx?id=1709&

Operation Phone Home is a vital part of the USO's At Home In Our Hearts holiday campaign. With your help, we can distribute thousands of pre-paid telephone cards to service men and women stationed overseas.

We must get thousands of phone cards into the hands of these men and women. Can we count on you to embrace one of those troops right now?

Support Operation Phone Home by making a donation of $25 or more to help troops talk to their loved ones this holiday season.

Our partnership with AT&T makes it possible for us to buy phone cards at a deep discount. That means your contribution goes further and provides more talk time on each card we distribute.

Nothing can take the place of being home for the holidays, but when duty calls, our troops answer without hesitation.

Your contribution to this appeal will help to ensure that troops serving in lonely outposts over the holidays are At Home In Our Hearts.

https://www.uso.org/donate/custom.aspx?id=1709&

Sincerely,
Sloan Gibson
President and CEO, USO

What is it with 2009? After getting Carter out of the hospital for the holidays, Daddy ended up In the ER last night with a high temp and stomach issues. He has the flu. Because of Carter, we have to be especially over cautious in getting sick. We both received the H1N1 vaccine this week and ironically, he got sick:( I am just praying for a wonderful 2010 full of good health and happiness.

So here is my latest household discovery. Spray and Wash. Yes, the normal spray and wash we use for laundry. We have two dogs, a cat, a baby and carpet. The combination of all of these just screams carpet stains. I am always cleaning up something and after spending the week in the hospital with Carter, a lot of puppy stains appeared. Yesterday I was on a mission. I hate dirty floors so I whipped out the Resolve carpet cleaner, put on my stylish yellow rubber gloves and went to work. I wasn't having a lot of luck with the Resolve and some stains were just so identifiable that I had no idea how to get them up. Suddenly I had a flash back of a few months ago when a glass of red wine was spilt on our carpet. I was in a pinch and decided to try spray in wash in the absence of any carpet cleaner. Poof, wine stains gone! GONE!

So I tried this same strategy yesterday and it worked! The key is to saturate the stain and wash with warm water. Yes, the carpet is damp for a bit but the stains are gone. ALL OF THEM. This stuff takes up EVERYTHING!

On another note, I am walking again for Carter and the March of Dimes. The walk is in April and my goal is to raise $1000. The team is NNMF inspired as they took amazing care of Carter in the NICU and the doctors and nurses at National Naval Medical Center and Walter Reed inspire me and saved Carters life. Any donation is appreciated and if you can walk with me....even better! Carters first birthday is January 2, 2010. This walk is for him.

log onto : http://www.marchforbabies.org/Deannamlinz



Off to nurse Daddy and son.....my countdown to 2010 has begun!

I cannot believe the holidays are here. Time flies so quickly. My biggest pet peeve is the fact that it gets dark so early! I loved living in Germany where it was actually light at 10pm. Can anyone say Alaska:)

Carter was admitted to Walter Reed this week due to dehydration and flu like symptoms. He was unable to keep food down. They did a head ultrasound and then CT to realize his ventricles had enlarged and the fluid may be putting pressure on his brain. We had the conversation in regards to putting a shunt in. This scares the heck out of me as you could imagine. Many children and adults can thrive with a shunt but brain surgery was not exactly a level of comfort that can be found in most people. Certainly not in me...the Mom. I came home on Tuesday to shower and just sat in my closet and cried. I can't help but question what did I do to cause this? No matter what anyone says, the blame falls on the Mom. It is the way the in laws look at you or some doctors as they as, "Do they know why he was born so early?". Truth is, no one really knows without an obvious cause. I am young (sort of:))), healthy and our lifestyle is a healthy one minus the occasional over indulgence of peanut M&M's.

Carter came home today after a battle with a flu virus and we still will continue to follow him through Neuro, Gastro, Optha, Pulmo (all followed by ology) and Pediatrics.

Thank you from Carter, Andy & I for all of the prayers. It was a rough week but Carter seems to be back to his baseline and smiling at me a lot. He has the best smiles.....

I want to be on Ellen day 1 :)

Happy day before Thanksgiving! I can't help but to be so thankful for our son, our health, my family and friends. Also thank you to all who serve in our US Military Forces. Every year Andy and I try and give back but truly they give to us. I am and will always be a proud Army wife. Andy and I's Thanksgiving over the years have been in Germany where the Turkey didn't fit on the oven but we shared the half frozen one with great friends, in Paris and him in Iraq and the following year just getting back from Iraq. It is a very special time for us.

I have been packing for Thanksgiving with the in laws and so happy to report that after not drying my jeans after I washed them they still fit!!!! Yahoo....Ok, so this is just my arrival out. Thanksgiving is more formal, they wear dark wash in Meadville.:)))I actually packed 5 pair of black pants because lets face it, there are so many contributing factors as to how something may fit. Then I packed the back up dress, tights and boots in case nothing was to my liking. (and my husband wonders why we have three suitcases for 4 days plus two extras for shoes and toiletry's:))) Is it really so wrong to wear heels in snow? Florida girl.....


My main objective is to avoid anything I can actually enjoy tomorrow. So no sides, ugh.... Sides are the best. My Mom was a Georgia peach so we have always been traditional. Green bean salad, deviled eggs, turkey, stuffing (the normal kind) and some sort of potato. I personally do not understand why someone takes a perfectly good sweet potato and covers it in marshmallow's and coconut. On an average people gain 6 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Years. What to do!!!! Maybe I will down a turkey leg while on the treadmill!

Still job hunting, life searching and feeling so blessed for my son. On Thanksgiving, this is what is most important.

So Happy Thanksgiving to all! Hug your family, friends and a stranger (but don't get arrested doing it:)

Much love from the Linz family~

Life is funny. There are ups and downs and so many days the downs seem to weigh heavy. I have taken the week to relax, take a break in my home state and reflect on the year. I cannot believe that Christmas is just around the corner. Wow, time flies. Carters birthday is January 2 and we will celebrate with great joy and no doubt a few tears. I cry at everything these days. Throw a good Charmin commercial my way and I am down for the count:)

I have been noticing an interesting trend. It is the debate on proper and when the sins of the past, or last weekend are redeemed. I say this because of the whole Carrie Prejaan debate and her poor choice of verbiage in her media tour. Whomever is her publicist needs to be fired. Seriously, she is doing more harm than good and it is hard to think of her as a victim with her attitude. Now I am FARRRRRRR from perfect. I have never sexted (who wants to see that and frankly I have a hard enough time covering things fully clothed. Naked...ahh...NO......)however; like everyone I have sinned. I guess it is the definition that always throws me. You have those who can quote the bible yet are hypocrites. You have those that are of a different religion or sexual preference who are the kindest people you have ever know yet we judge based on what is in a book and not what is in our soul.

Why can we not sit in judgement but in acceptance and love?

Clearly I need to back away from the yoga mat! Just feeling zen I guess:))

900 miles and I arrived in Florida. Many asked why I drove but lets face it, with Carter being on oxygen, most airlines don't welcome that in travel. Not to mention, I have 14 with me and a portable condenser....can you imagine the baggage charge?:)

It is great to be around family, friends and WARMTH! I think we skipped summer in Maryland as it went by so quickly.

Time with my Brother, Lois Lane and Benjamin always makes me smile. Lois Lane got her first haircut since her hair grew out from chemo and she looks stunning. We also managed to go through old photos and it was fun to see my various haircuts, ex-boyfriends and my parents whom I still miss daily. Who would have thought that I actually looked OK in the Demi Moore do! Hating my hair these days...what to do...what to do. When you get married your hair is no longer your own. Guys have opinions....very strong ones!!!!!

OK so this brings me to a debate/thought. My Brother is a VERY devote Southern Baptist. He teaches, preaches and is very knowledgeable in regards to his denomination. I appreciate his passion and open to conversation and debate. I am NOT Southern Baptist,I support Gay marriage and the belief that as long as you are convicted to your God, I have no right to judge as long as you respect and honor life and love. I see grey perhaps. I may not believe in everything about every religion but I can't help but think that who is to say we all don't stand in front of the same God. Our roads were just different in getting there. To me, God does not pass judgement or love us less because we make mistakes. We are human and we will make mistakes. It is what you take from those mistakes that is the lesson.

Now on to politics....I feel so Palinized :)))))

Is it really almost Christmas?

I swear I thought last Saturday was Halloween yet I must have been confused as my local shopping mart is already garnished in tinsel and lights. I have to admit though I do love the holiday season. Its more about the what if. It is a happy time although I will admit drowning in commercialism. There is an appeal about the twinkle of lights that beyond all redneck scenarios is one that I would invite all year long if I could get away with it.

This brings me to my latest obsession. Ok maybe not latest but shoes that claim to make you fit. I saw a commercial for reebok today promising what sketchers do. I guess if I walk on a ball everyday of my life I will become centered, balanced and fit. I can't help but think that this all reminds me of the time I stepped on a bee in Georgia. The center of my foot swelled up like Texas.

If I had only know that was the answer to all of my fitness goals. Find two bees to balance it out of course and be fit for life....

Eppy pin anyone?

Favorite quote of the day.....

When you make average GREAT, you can make your dreams a reality.

Thank you Oprah and Suzie Ormond

Knees and necks

Today, like many days was one filled with the pondering realization that hey...THIS IS MY LIFE! Here it is, the reality. We had family photos on Saturday. It was Halloween and yet STILL we had not carved the pumpkin but the family all had new costumes. Halo, a mermaid, Jack was Tina Turner, Josie a Jester and Carter..the cutest Monkey you have ever seen. Andy and I just survived as I ate far to many Reese's cups and found myself giving away candy by the bagful to avoid the existence of any morsel in our house.

Fast forward to Tuesday. Pumpkin still not carved( I see a pumpkin pie in our future) and I noticed a few new rings around certain parts of my body. Rings you ask...yes. Rings. See in my effort to look TAN I painted my neck on Halloween. I guess in all of my speedy shower endeavors I wasn't scrubbing the neck area as I should. I was horrified as I thought I would be sporting scarfs for the rest of my life but after some exfoliation of the dried baby formula mixed with body paint was gone, there were no rings ...thank goodness!I hope to never be the women/Shitzu that when we get older our hair just gets bigger and we resemble our pets.

This brings me to one other concern. What is up with the knees?

Aren't we all damaged goods?


I have spent my life wondering, hoping and dreaming. My Dad always said if you give up your dreams you die. Amongst all of the childhood dreams and adult hopes I can't help but wonder, aren't we all damaged goods? We strive and dream but how do you make that a reality in an engine that is already set for premium gas?

I am a singer, not the best, not the worst....a writer (see the aforementioned), a Mother, wife. sister and daughter even though they are no longer with us. I have heard...too fat, too skinny, too pale, fix your smile, you must be sad, you fought with your husband, omg....and the list goes on. But in retrospect, aren't we all damaged goods?

We start out life with a clean slate and some like my son have fought daily. However, once life greets you, you just seem to take what others say as a testament as to who you are. Why do we do this?

We give that right to people that we don't know, strangers when in fact that right is OURS and only OURS. No one defines you. You define you and that definition will never be found in websters.

Why, because we are ALL one of a kind. Your God/my God blessed us with that quality.

You have 5 seconds from success and 5 from failure. The choice is always yours.



PS- on a side note, another employee from my ex company was let go but this time via phone call. Altleast I know it wasn't just me or "pageantry".

So we found them, Carters glasses. He actually picked them out himself as when I was trying frames on him he had no problem telling me what he liked and didn't like. Ok so he got his lungs from me:)))) Minus the obvious tags, his Mini Pearl look, these are the winners. They should be in soon and he world will continue to expand. What a blessing. (His ROP surgery went well so he can see; however, he is still nearsighted.)

Onto my fright of the day. What the heck, a plane over shot landing by 150 miles because EVERYONE in the cockpit was using their personal computer???????What???? Are you kidding? If you cannot text while driving, what makes them think that being on your personal computer for 80 MINUTES while FLYING is acceptable???? I question what they were looking at that was so distracting....hum.....

As I sit here in the dim light writing this, I am left to wonder about the world we live in. It saddens and frightens me about continued deployments to Afghanistan and the reasoning behind it. Andy has deployed 5 times with two being to Iraq and yet it may still continue. Deployment is so hard on families. Pre-deployment involves training which is also time away. Andy was gone a few months back for training and whether it is to the next state or another country, gone is gone...especially if you have children. I am so proud of those who serve and have served and yet I feel remorse for the lack of awareness that is out there for the military and their families.

Andy was in Dover not just the one day but went back the next as well. Three more lives lost and returned back stateside yet nothing is shown on the news. Sure we hear about the helicopters crashing and 14 being killed but they are owed the honor of using their names, recognizing their families and the heroism of each one of them. I know the media is not allowed to cover the return of the remains but if they did, reality might hit as to a world that exist outside the vision that the government wants us to see.

There is a world out there that is beyond the realms of what we see on the news, hear in passing or on the cover of a magazine or newspaper. At least not anymore. We/I get caught up in the day to day activities of life without taking into account why I am able to think about mundane activities or about why "I" am having a bad year.

Tomorrow my husband is going to serve as an escort to a General as he welcomes back to the states a 26 year old soldier, a Father and a husband. He will meet his family and will know about his service. He will know he was a great man who served this country unselfishly. He will welcome him back to the states with honor and pride.

He will not be able to shake the hand of the great man, the hero, the Father, the Husband, the Brother, the son for his remains will be draped in the American flag.

The next time I think I am having a bad day, or want to complain or feel sorry for myself, I will remind myself of what a bad day or year it actually is.

Please pray for all who serve and for the family that will welcome the remains of this great hero to our country who lost his life this week serving our country.

So my in laws just left and I am staring at the treadmill. Once I remove the coats, I shall get back to working out. Its amazing how long Thursday to Monday can be when you don't work out. Getting back on the wagon is a tough call when it works so nicely as a hanger:))))

I have a pondering, frustrating question....where are all the cute boy's clothes? Because winter decided to expose itself early, I am suddenly faced with the challenge of finding a winter coat for Carter. Instead, I ventured out to find that in one aspect of the world women (or girls) dominate. There are so many cute girl clothes and a plethora of the one's on sale yet NOTHING for little boys. So I am left with the search. Thank goodness for the Internet. Who would have guessed that in a male dominated world that women finally rule in one aspect, clothes...well I guess I already knew that:)

This brings me another clothes issue. Be it that my life is in lounge wear these days, I have of course found my favorites. I never knew there were so many choices and so many different levels of the , "hey, I got out of my pajamas today and put on clothes that look just like my pajamas but in solid colors" options. I can go to the store, workout and sleep all without ever changing!!!!

I love the Victoria Secret Velour's. Not the pink because I am over 21 and after having a baby the letters PINK in bold letters written across my backside well it just does not appeal to me. I thought I found the perfect collection then the ultimate betrayal happens. Case in point. You buy the perfect grey pair. They fit well, look respectable and have the correct size written in them. aka...the "perfect pair". So obsession hits and you return to buy yet another. This time in black because lets face it, black in anything is always good. So you run home to put on the perfect pair. Same size, same store just in black. So you rip off the tag and shove it in the side of the garbage basket so your husband does not know. Excitement builds and you start to slip them on. Then ...tada....they are smaller that then previous pair that you purchased from the same store and they are the same style. I am now left with a pair of too small pants that I am still wearing out of sheer determination because I could not return them. Why does this happen? Ugh....I have come to learn that the more expensive the designer the smaller size I can wear. (this is a justification for inflated prices that encourages women to buy and does not apply to most pageant wear); however, consistency from the mainstreams should be mandated by quality assurance. The only exclusion...jeans and swimsuits. They should always run big so I can feel small.

Friends and Family,

It is that time of year to reach out and thank our brave men and women serving our country in foreign countries. Tennessee Marine Family, an organization that I founded in 2004, is having our Christmas Package Drive. We need your help collecting items and we would love to have you come out and help pack the boxes with us on November 21st. It will warm your heart!!


TENNESEE MARINE FAMILY

HOLIDAY CARE PACKAGE DRIVE 2009 – GROCERY LIST
www.tnmarinefamily.org



HERE ARE ITEMS THAT HAVE BEEN REQUESTED:

Tea Bags & Hot Chocolate

Christmas Stockings – regular size
Slim Jims/ Beef Jerky
Crackers and Easy Cheese
Kraft Easy Mac
Instant Soups (in container)
Pouches of Tuna/Chicken
Spices (onion powder, garlic powder) NOT large sizes
White Athletic Socks
Chapstick / Lip Balm
Small Packs of Baby Wipes
Foot Powder
Disposable Cameras
Sunflower Seeds
Canned Spaghetti / Ravioli
Vienna Sausages (NO PORK)
CD’s, DVD’s
Travel Sized Hand Sanitizers
Inexpensive Hand Held Video Games
Eye Drops
Pre Paid Phone Cards
AA Batteries
Hand Warmers



WE ALSO INCLUDE CARDS, LETTERS AND DRAWINGS FROM CHILDREN AND ADULTS. THIS PERSONAL TOUCH IS A FAVORITE WITH THE TROOPS! THIS IS A WONDERFUL WAY FOR YOUR GROUP, CHILDREN OR ORGANIZATION TO SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!




IF YOU ARE NOT NEARBY AND WOULD LIKE TO DONATE FUNDS TO HELP DEFRAY THE COSTS OF POSTAGE YOU CAN DO SO ONLINE VIA PAYPAL, OR DONATIONS MAY ALSO BE MAILED DIRECTLY TO:



Tennessee Marine Family
PO Box 291021
Nashville, Tennessee 37229-1021




Tennessee Marine Family is 501 (c) (3) under the Internal Revenue Code. All donations are tax deductible.



THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS!

Semper Fidelis



The package drive is:

Saturday, November 21

Lunch at Noon - Packing the Boxes Begins After Lunch


LOCATION:

South Gate Baptist Church

3654 Murfreesboro Road

Antioch, TN 37013

Please go to the TMF Events Website at www.tnmarinefamilyevents.org for additional information.

Thanking you in advance for your support!!

Donna Clemons
Proud Mom of Sgt. Zach Ross - Currently on his 5th Tour of Duty
Proud MIL of Sgt. Tram Ross - Served 3 Tours of Duty and Home Now with My Awesome Grandson!!

Based on my year you can imagine my utter excitement when someone from the MD/V/DC area won the lottery. I thought to my self, this must be it! Finally a break. Well not so and instead a weekend with my Mother in Law. My year continues.....

So after sending out numerous resumes and still in utter shock of how some can treat you, I have come to realize among all of my grammatical errors that life goes on and my situation is not one to dwell over. It is life, right?

On a lighter note, Carter is doing well and dressed in his Steelers outfit. These days with the BUCS doing so poorly, I will give it to my husband. We are trying to find solo bini glasses for Carter (not covered by insurance of course) but I am sure Carter will be so cute in them. As I said before, Harry Potter sports them well!!!!!!!!!! So Carter will be styling!!!!!!

Tomorrow is Monday and the start of a new week. I keep having flashbacks of last week and questioning how do you beat a corporation that changed my job when I got pregnant and used charity (which is what pageantry is about) as a reason for termination. Although funny thing is ...NEVER mentioned that when letting me go but just I needed to find child care as a reason but hey...I am starting a new week. They will probably win. I am home with a disabled child who wanted to come back to work and my husband is active duty and yet my old boss got promoted. Who am I to argue.

I need to move on. They won the battle.

I come with a D battery


The one thing you really never read about before children is that EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING comes with a battery. Much like a great conspiracy theory, not just one battery but MANY and not all the same type. Whether it is the bouncy, the swing, the play mate it is a battery free for all!!!!Mental note to self, if you ever have another child...REGISTER FOR BATTERIES and a lifetime supply if possible!

So Andy is at Nascar with his buddies and I am with my Mother in law for the weekend. I will leave it at that as it has been just a horrible week and has ended as such. I am in hopes that the sun will shine tomorrow and I continue to have a roof over my head. Yeah! Season finale of Army wife's tomorrow. Wahoo.... I am a pathetic excuse for exciting but dreams are good.

As a follow up, there are many soldiers that are not home. (sorry, not a great segway); however, we need your help. Log onto www.uso.org. I am singing at HH McQuire VA hospital on December. Please come and say thanks to those who serve. If you can bring clean socks, CD's, Books or anything that won't melt (Iraq and Afganistan may still be hot) please do. Thank you...................

So today was my appeals case from the Department of Maryland. My ex-employer does not want to pay unemployment so there was a version of a hearing. I should have known as it was raining that the day would end up gloomy. I got so lost. In my GPS I put in the exact address and I swear it lead me to a neighborhood. So after numerous panic calls, I found the location which was behind a mall.

As I entered I could hear my ex-employer making reference to Mrs International. It is funny that for a company that you can't even access external websites from the office somehow someone manage to find my blog (or as he said someone was looking up personal websites) and print it out. Because I was late, completely my fault, my time had passed to state any rebuttal and the lady doing the hearing was clearly disgruntled with me being late (and I do understand that but I was lost, wish I could take it back) My ex- employer was referring to me doing pageants as an issue. So here is my rebuttal for what it is worth....

She competed in Alabama~ I did NOT I was appointed the title. However, even if I did, pageants happen over weekends which last time I checked were still my time.

Then I competed in Chicago, mind you after I got fired. Most don't know as I didn't publish it but I had backed out of the pageant prior. My son had spent almost 6 months in the NICU and had been very sick so I was concerned with various aspects of my life.

So, I never signed ANY FMLA paper work and was under the impression that I would be returning the end of July. I had kept in contact with HR and was working home. Everything seemed fine and my boss never really responded to anything so I just assumed all was fine. 6 weeks after my son came home. I was let go on the 15th via email and I still have that email after he concluded that he didn't feel I could find adequate child care in that time so we needed to part ways. I don't believe he stated that today but I was late so maybe I missed it. Although apparently he had said I wasn't coming back, which was not true. Heaven forbid you want to do anything to make you smile. You must just be a horrible person.

So here is my issue with everything. I do not believe that returning 6 weeks after my son came home to work is out of line. I offered to return and he said no but I could reapply. My son SPENT 6 MONTHS in the NICU and is still on oxygen and a feeding tube. Pageantry, for the few days of the actual event but the countless hours of community service it has afforded me over the past 10 years, has been my escape in a very rough year for myself. I am a proud Army wife, a Mother of a disabled child and is willing to work 24/7 for my jobs in and out of the home. If their rebuttal is because I do pageants, then so be it. Maybe someone should start to question golfing or any other thing you may do outside the home.

I have NEVER looked for a free handout but to question my integrity, loyalty and commitment to what I do, then you don't know me at all. If I was a bad employee for pageants and the community work I did on MY TIME with the USO, AHA, March of Dimes or Breast Cancer awareness...then so be it, that is their opinion.

When will the government protect those who want to work and have fallen on hard times.

Might I add that my ex-boss has since got promoted. Apparently he succeeded in his budget cuts. Good job.

Can you believe it is only 10 weeks until Christmas!!!!!!!

I will be singing on Dec 4th at HH MCQuire VA hospital in Virginia and I need your help. If you are able to come and help out, donate a gift (socks, CD's, books, a smile) or bring a smile through song or dance....let me know!!!!! This is what the holidays are about.

They gave for us so we should always give for them.

Support the Troops~

With love

Deanna

email me @ deannamlinz@aol.com if you can help!

I have become somewhat of a night owl. I guess I always have been. It started back when I use to model for HSN and our shows were in the middle of the night. Back then, I used to wonder who buys in the middle of the night and now I get it. After hosting a few infomercials myself, I actually have become a customer to a few of the gimmicks. Lets face it, when your exhausted and can only shower in passing AND YOU ACTUALLY ASK YOUR HUSBAND IF YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH YESTERDAY...who would not succumb to the promises of losing weight, erasing wrinkles and being perfect in less than 60 seconds on an infomercial. In the middle of the night, a time when dreams are made, why not dream of perfection????? I say this all while sporting my fitflop shoe that I purchased from Victoria's Secret as I write this. Here is hoping!!!!!!!

So this brings me to my thoughts for today. Yes, I have a few that may not be grammatically correct but are my thoughts....scary as that may be.

Past the infomercials of the promises of perfect skin, weight lose and silky hair there are the ACTUAL commercials (well really infomercials hidden in a 30 sec spot) that really catch my attention. If you are up say at 3am...here is your night.

Law and Order~ the Catheter spot. We have the pleasure of hearing about having to REUSE a catheter. A reason alone that our health care system needs to be re-evaluated!

Without a Trace (love this show. My secret crush besides Anderson Cooper is in this show)~ the male enhancement product. Over and over and over again. As an FYI, overnight time is cheaper which is why it is laced with infomercials. I guess if you are up at 4 or 5 am, maybe a male enhancement product is what you are looking for.

Then there are the disclaimers. I want thick long lashes but if the product says it may change my EYE RETINA COLOR PERMANENTLY to brown, (I am blue eyed), I am not really sold. This also reminds me of the heart or asthma med that disclaim at 90 miles an hour in small print. It usually end in results may vary, may cause death.

So today I am writing MY DISCLAIMER:

Over 25+ Mother. Works hard, lives life, works out and cooks, cleans, changes diapers and has the occasional glass of wine. Weight fluctuates but never past embarrassing and embraces a better living through chemistry. Showers bi-weekly, has all her teethe and can dress up for a noted occasions.Need love, life and laughter. Oscar hopeful, Grammy hopeful and Tony...yes he was once in her life and she might (hahahahahahah) one day win SOMETHING. Individual results may vary, paid endorser, has been known to be a queen.

My entire life, and yes, I say entire...I have strived to have confidence. My biggest downfall has been the belief in myself. Lets face it, when you look around there are those that are prettier, thinner, more accomplished and "perfect" in our minds. This is a factor in every aspect of our lives. Jobs, raising children, heck even going to a doctor...what flaw will they find? I won a pageant once (imagine my utter shock) and the judges critique after the fact went something like this. Change your song, your gown, lose weight and get a tan...but you are really smart. Isn't that what they say to sell a blind date when a girl might be you know......really how did I win?

So this brings me back to the ultimate question. How do you become CONFIDENT without being arrogant? If someone ask you, "Are you beautiful"? what is the answer? Do you you well NO. If you do it comes across insecure and not ready for the job. If you say, "yes", you must be arrogant.

What is the magic touch that makes someone have that "thing" we all aspire to have? How can you have that "thing" and talk about the "it" factor without seeming like you expect it. What is the "it" factor?

Is being "it' just believing you are it or is "IT" really just a noun we describe as an adjective in hopes of giving it more definition? How do we define ourselves?

I was speaking to a friend of mine the other day in reference to the truth about lying. It is so true that we are all born with the unconditional ability to love everyone. Until you stick us, yell at us, deny us from food or make us lounge in a dirty diaper too long, we all love unconditionally. Then at some point it happens. Perhaps Santa can be blamed for the Adam and Eve moment that changes it all but we begin to tell stories that in all likelihood are not true.

So I was thinking what it might be like if we could not lie...There would be no

Santa
Easter Bunny
Fairy God Mother
Charlie Brown
Snow White
Cinderella
Magazine Covers (no photo shop)
Celebrities (because no one is perfect)
Pageant Queens
BAD FOOD
Annoying in laws (because they just would talk to you:)
Happy Marriages (because my husband better always tell me I am the most beautiful women in the room:)


And much more.....

It seems we raise our children on the 70/30/10 rule. 70% of what we say is true. 30% is the hope of what we say is true but may not be and 10% is based on the fantasy that Santa Clause comes every year, Prince Charming/Cinderella does exist and if you keep buying the lottery ticket you just may win because someone must, right?

I am throwing my name in for the Nobel Peace Prize. Here is to the 10% rule.

Military Moms Get the Baby Shower They Missed



Military moms whose babies were born too soon or too sick were treated to a special baby shower at the Portsmouth Naval Medical Center Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), courtesy of the March of Dimes and Operation Shower. Moms and dads received baby supplies, clothing, toys, books and much more, courtesy of Kmart and other generous donors.

During the baby shower, the March of Dimes announced the re-launch of Mission: Healthy Baby®, a program designed specifically for military families to provide free pregnancy and newborn health information and support services. The program was developed with the Veterans of Foreign Wars and the Ladies Auxiliary VFW.

Today was just one of those days. Sleep has just become a faint memory of the past and the days I actually make it to the shower it is because I am forced to leave the house:)

Carter had his first follow up surgery from ROP surgery Carter had Retinopathy of Prematurity and had surgery prior to leaving the NICU. We are happy as he can see which is God's blessing but we found out today he needs glasses. Because this is not covered by insurance and I have no idea where to find them, I am now on a journey to find someone who carries infant frames so I can get his prescription filled. As I said to Carter,"Hey, Harry Potter has glasses and is pretty cool".

Yes and for the negative nellies out there, it did/does make me sad because as a Mother you cannot help but always think what could have I done to change this. AJ, my BFF ( I just love that acronym:) pointed out something to me today though. Even in a perfect scenario, he could have still had sight issues. Andy had PRK surgery so his eye sight was not good previously.

Love my friends....

Ahhhh...the lovely acrimonious naysayers of the virtual voy world strike again. Gotta love the haters whom stand behind self righteousness and do so with such passion for their causes that they actually forget to sign their names....imagination that???? I am sure they must have just forgot, after all if someone in all their infinite wisdom is so concerned with the well fair of others they MUST have forgotten. I mean who would not want to help a fellow tiara hunter in need????

Geez, as a friend pointed out to me today...are you a rabbit? You mention cabbage???? Come on people.

Lets just for fun define LITERAL versus a comedic reference. I am in need of using big words today in light of my new found somber sobriety so why not??? Nah, I'll just stick with my metaphors and throw back a few while I write.....

Just because you make reference to drinking, it does not make you an alcoholic. Just because you joke about your Mother in law, doesn't mean you don't love her and mostly....just because you compete in pageants...it does not mean you don't have a life because I do. I have every right to be sad at times, happy during others and throw back the occasional glass of sparkling water:) Did I mention I have been known to eat pizza too???? Yep thats right, a carb has crossed my lips. Oh, no....strike up the band.

We are Mothers, Wife's, Daughters, Sisters and occasionally a showered version of all above. Relax....Hypocrisy is those who judge on the sideline through a mountain of glass that will never break. Why, because it isn't real. The world they see themselves through is one that doesn't exist.

Perfection is your God, my God. Past that I am still a work in progress.

Now pass the Vino....

It hits me sometimes how self righteous I can be in my own right. I sit back and judge , wait to be judged and then judge those who judge me. Really, it is all about self judgement.

This year has been an incredibly hard year for me yet I wouldn't change a thing. In my own self pity I miss my job, my dream of becoming Mrs International( don't laugh...its not about the crown but about the gift to be better tomorrow than today and yes I realize a crown does not make that. I certainly learned that this year harder than most)and just a breathe of fresh air I crave to breathe every day.

I am so far from perfect but I think that memo is well spread. What I am continuing to learn is that life gives you challenges and God knows what you can handle. For me, its memories of the past and hope for the future.

My Mom was found deceased in 2004 at our home at 56 (from renal surgery due to congestive heart failure. They think she had a clot) and her boyfriend killed himself 2 months later, my Dad died of a heart attack in 2001 at 54, my Brother who passed that I will never know but I still have the MOST amazing BIG Brother in my life and my sister Denice...I never wish to rekindle your story but I really hope you find your peace and I love you.

Tonight I am purging because we have choices in life. You make time for what you want to make time for in life or your make excuses. Choose love, life and faith.

Tomorrow I am back to shampoo.....checking out on drama in 2009......xxoo

Daily kick to the gut...

So an ex director (not mine because I never won her state pageant...of course) preceeded to tell someone that hey ( as a reference) ...my first runner up, who was a finalist at nationals the year prior and went back and did NADA.. In 2006 I was top 10 and 2008 3rd runner up. I had a baby and many blessing. Not my best year and would not change anything because I have Carter. I hate judgement of the unknown!

Different judges, different day, did she not get the memo?

Just made me sad today...to steal a quote from a country song...find out who your friends are. Got it, I am not Brittany but it hurts just the same.

Last night Andy and I were talking. I have become slightly addicted to the flavored bubbly water (yes, I said water) from Safeway. I said to him...love the raspberry and lemon lime but I did not care for the watermelon or strawberry. He knows to never give me cherry, I HATE anything cherry.

So tonight I asked him to stop by the store on the way home to pick up a few things to include water. Feeling ever so dehydrated from my 60 minutes at 2.5 mph on the treadmill:) I was greeted by NO JOKE...strawberry/watermelon sparkling water!!!!!!!!!!!!Huh?????????????? He somehow managed to find just not one flavor I did not care for but a mix of both. As a penance I decided to just have a glass of red wine. (aka...Goblet, I so want to be a queen so I believe in drinking out of nothing less:))) Besides it is good for the heart, right?

His reply, oh I thought you liked those. Classic case of selective hearing. In the back of my mind I got it. For Christmas...honey I HATE Manolo Blahniks...really hate them. Jimmy Choos's too. Wishful thinking.

PS~ BLAH should be removed from that name!

First...I am selling a few pageant pieces on http://pageantsale.blogspot.com/. It has been a journey for me this year and I am cleansing before the new year. All items are beautiful and in incredible shape (maybe worn once?)

Next....Ok so Andy and I have been dieting and working out. Week two and might I add that I have been doing at least an hour more cardio every day and yet he has lost 11lbs and I....TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am thinking I need to bring back my wine and cheese diet from Europe. Seriously, if I eat anymore cabbage....I will leave it at that:)

There is so much going on in the news. I am afraid of Iran in general and more so because my husband is active duty, the economy is in a tough place and my ex employer is actually fighting my unemployment after THEY LAID ME OFF AFTER FMLA (with NO MATERNITY LEAVE)...although they did tell me I could reapply to a job that I was scheduled to come back to in a week but my ex boss said and I quote, "I don't feel you can find adequate childcare fore your son in a week so we need to just part ways"...huh? Was it your place to decide? Bureaucracy!!!!!

I live in one of the richest counties in the country, (literallY), my husband has been deployed FIVE TIMES and two to Iraq, my son this year spent 165 days in the NICU and I used to make a very good salary and yet I get fought on a fraction of my salary for unemployment on a JOB I DIDN'T QUIT??????? HUH???????

Ok so back to reality and off the soap box....must go clean toilets, prepare dinner,grocery shop, yell at the scale (it lies), jump on the treadmill and enjoy play time with my miracle (which I love).

Oh and run to the mail box to capture the bill of the one cc my hubby does not know I have! (kidding, kind of:)

Just another day off....oh and pay bills and taxes...almost forgot about those!

PS- If YOKO ONO gets a record deal before me...just a bad year.

The question for me today is am I OCD? I ask this because my family is in town. I love our family and even more that we are blessed to have them in our life. However, drum roar please....am I the only one who understands you should never use decorative hand towels? I mean, come on....what part of decorative, not for use is so complicated? And in answer to the question, yes, there were other towels in the mix but like gold waving in the wind....they went for the hanging decorative towels. Suddenly, I am invisioning Ben Stiller and the bathroon scene from ," Along Came Polly".

So moving on from my OCD moment, lets talk some family. Why is it that they feel they can take my son FROM MY LAP today and I had to take it. Oh wait...we were laying down together.....!!!!!! I repeat, I LOVE THEM and "some family" likes to remind me that I have no parents.....alright where is the wine? Is drinking a JUG with a screw off top tacky? Nahhhh....not with a straw.

I remember this summer I had a judge that asked me if supporting the military was still relevant. I realize that 911 was 8 years ago; however, YES I wanted to scream at them. Screaming would not have helped the obvious judgement that was sitting in front of me but HECK YES!!!!!

It is funny how it is so easy to forget what is not right in front of you or sitting on the back burner until it hits home. Meanwhile, daily we hear in the news about a possible attack on OUR transit systems, military installation, wildfires in California, natural disasters overseas and the war that continues daily in Afghanistan and Iraq. Yes, all of those situations are supported and defended by the United States Military Forces.

My life as an Army wife is not one I expected growing up. I don't live in the biggest house on the block because we move every 2-4 years. My career, well that has suffered too and hard to explain to pending employers and my family I just pray keeps the strength of the gentle man I married. My sister is active duty Army, my Brother was Navy, Brother in law just retired Navy and Uncle retired Air Force....so I get it.

Sorry, but I am on a soap box today after watching the news. We (AS A COUNTRY) allow for a sleepover on Trumps lawn, speaking at a college and yet not welcomed by OUR PRESIDENT ( I am a Republican but I still thought that stunt was rubbish by the party) and unemployment benefits to those who never wanted or applied for a job in the first place so I say HECK YES. This is a great country. What other country would this happen?

Is it relevant, ask that to a Mother who lost their son, or a wife that is left alone or a child that ask for his or her Daddy and when are they coming home. The ask yourself, is it relevant. Wait you were allowed to ask that in the first place, only in America. Now that is relevant.

Hum, military men in the military banned from smoking....

At what point is control too much control by the government? I am not a smoker and never have been. Saying that both of my parents smoked and my Brother and Sister smoke. (I think the time I rolled up a piece of paper and inhaled stopped me from ever smoking....I was young and actually did that and glad I did in retrospect:)but I don't agree. I know and understand the repercussions of smoking and have had conversations with my husband about it. He "chewed" in Iraq which I find disgusting. Regardless, I am not on the front lines, I get that there is stress involved and for gosh sakes (the Disney version) he is serving our country. My only request is NOT AT HOME and today he does neither.

Smoke in the designated areas is all I ask and not in the dining room. Take your hat off to please:)

I remember flying to Florida from Germany and there where many military personnel on the plane. We had a layover in Atlanta. A young soldier wanted a beer on the plane and they would not serve him. I DO NOT CONDONE UNDERAGE DRINKING but here is the exception and perhaps I was/am skewed from living in Europe where the drinking age is 16 for beer. If you are sacrificing your life for your country and can vote, you can have a beer. Just my thought.

USO Entertainment: Worldwide USO Sesame Tour
Sesame Street stars Elmo, Cookie Monster, and friends are embarking on a four-month USO Tour to 20 U.S. military installations worldwide.

“The Sesame Street/USO Experience for Military Families” tour — to the U.K., Europe, Hawaii, and Alaska — provides support and offers resources for military families with young children. This global installment follows last year’s highly successful tour in the U.S., which visited 42 military installations in 23 states from July to November 2008. The program helps children and families of deployed service men and women cope with the effects of deployment, separation, and reunification.

“Sesame Workshop is proud of its ongoing commitment to serving the needs of military families, and we are thrilled to partner with our good friends at the USO to bring Elmo and all of his friends to military families overseas,” said Gary E. Knell, Sesame Workshop’s President and CEO.

For more information and the tour schedule, please visit www.uso.org or www.sesamestreet.com/tlc.

Pretty HORRIFIED!

I was watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" because I can't help myself. Did the Sprinkle family really just feed STEVE the PYTHON a LIVE, FURRY RAT...right before LASAGNA as MORALE for their three girls. Really, seriously....horrified! I can't even wear FUR!

Andy is currently building a baseball shine for my son......he is so happy we had a boy!

Today is football day...yeah! Being a Gator and Buccaneer, I love it. There is nothing better than a fall day (or sort of fall day) when the air is cool and I can face my 4 inch black boots with the same love that I have for the skinny cow ice cream bars. Seriously love them. Tall, thin and they always fit. WAHOO...score!!!!!Touchdown. So yes, football season is wonderful on so many levels!

I am going to try the Sketchers tennis shoes. Finally a shoe that promotes a platform in a tennis shoe and is acceptable all the same. Football season, weight loss shoe....all good!!!!!! Here is hoping!

Ok, how is it that I ate 2 Boca Burgers and 2 Rice Cakes and consumed 500 calories????Hugh????There was no taste! This was a SNACK! Come on?????? Where are those Skinny Cow Ice Cream Cakes???? I could have consumed FIVE, YES FIVE OF THEM for that amount of calories!

So 65 minutes later on the treadmill, I started watching the "Rachel Zoe Project" taped. I loved it. What a dream, someone to dress me! No thoughts just people who get me and give me the edge. Joey from the Competitive Image has done that for me and I have been blessed to have great sponsors. In my new "Mommy" life, I am lucky if I can dress myself! Times change so quickly!


Where did I go? I actually had to apologize to Carter's physical therapist who came to the house today for not having showered yet!!!!

IN TWO DAYS!

On a different note, after watching "Survivor" tonight, I finally realized what the fitness portion of the competition should be. Survivor! As a Mrs...with your husband. Can you imagine....then the "real" competitors would come out.

Check heels here.

Being the "View" junkie I am, my first thought today is Barbara is far to YOUNG to wear the brooch. Much less the brooch that looks like a Christmas ornament attached to her chest. Seriously...come on. Back away from the brooch. She is such an amazing icon to me but the brooch, not so good.

The subject of racism came up. In light of President Carters statement, I think people are looking for an excuse or reason to have an opinion or at least a reason to blame on why they have that opinion. Much like President Carter, I was raised in Georgia and my Mom was a peach. Just because you are from the SOUTH, it doesn't mean you are a racist. I grew up in Jonesboro, Georgia....please.

I think the issue is people are afraid of the economy, the war and our future. You can not blame one person for a decision that is made by THE GOVERNMENT. I think Obama is doing a great job. Over exposed, yes but a good President, yes.

The only person with all the answers is God. We are all still learning.

Off to shower, color my hair (natural blonde of course) and pray that the scale lies to me!!!!! Good day!

Mortality....it is the unspoken part of every life that we all face. Yet, each day many set out to pass judgement or judge ourselves so hard in a world that we are so honored to be able to live in.

Like many, I was touched by the loss of Patrick Swayze. His movies were of my generation and like Micheal Jackson, iconic in so many ways. Perhaps the hardest part of losing a legend or someone who has impacted your life is you are forced to face your own mortality.

I watched the "View" yesterday and Joy mocked Madonna on her presentation on the previous days award show. When I saw the clip, I agreed. When I saw the speech in its entirety, I did not. I thought it was a good comparison as to the parallels of lives, the friendships we share and how we drift apart from so many over the years.

Since losing my parents I have had a hard time "getting over it" or "moving on" because I am still angry at them. This is my issue but also a health issue. They were 54 and 56 and made health choices that shortened their lives. I realize we all make choices that could impact our longevity. All you need to do is up size a fry and there you go. However, things are not always so simple and its the continuation of choices are what that upsets me the most. Yes, I make them too.

Mortality, Have you ever noticed that when a crazy driver speeds by you recklessly and you get to the stop light, you end up sitting right next to them? The difference is they just got there first.

How do you find yourself in a world of anonymity?

I am not a big believer in the after life. I really don't know because lets face it, until we have been there....

Last night I was consoling Carter and suddenly Andy starts singing , "Sweet Lord". What, hugh? I guess I was a little freaked because ONE Andy doesn't sing unless it was the Gambler in the NICU (insert many opinions here) but we are country though and though; however, that was the song my Mom sang to me. Just odd.

I have been missing my parents. Coindence, maybe...are they still with me, forever

I feel like my life reads very much like Doug and Carrie from the "King of Queens". Andy and I arrived back home after a long walk/run and a brief run into the store to pick up a few pre-cooked items for dinner with the family. We take turns running our bigger dog, Jack (our misfit) and running with Carter and Halo. Yes, Halo does "ride" with Carter in the stroller. So a few hours later and one pre-cooked chicken we are home, dinner in hand. Andy, being the wonderful husband he is just informed me that after a day of sports on TV (good thing I love football), I have now earned the right to have the TV for the next hour. So, the pregnant pause followed....Really, I said...hum?????Why???? Well, NASCAR starts at 7 so he gets it for the next FIVE hours!!!!!!

The thing I find interesting is we do actually have multiple TV's in our home so be it what it may, he still wants me right there with him. Watching the cars go round and round and round and round and round.....I have been to a few races and I was almost appalled at the cheer that came from the crowd when a car crashed. Perhaps a sport I just don't quite get yet. This may explain why a women in an eveining gown who falls makes You Tube. Train wreck havocs we are....

Favorite quote today given by my husband was his comment to me on all of my "nesting". What did you really do, he asked...FIVE DAYS, FOUR HOURS and 22 minutes later I replied..."Nothing honey, let me know when you find your favorite t-shirts from 10 YEARS ago":)

His reply, I just said that so I could get lucky, women love jerks...

Gotta give him that one!

I have begun my working out for the Marine Corp Marathon. Yes, I realize I should have been doing this for months or a good year (based on last year I would agree:) however reality and my fitness goals are not always in sync. It wasn't until I felt an odd feeling on my back side and realized it was actually a similar feeling that I feel on my chest without a bra that I "got it" that things may not be in the same place they once were. I have prided myself...shamelessly...on getting back into my pre-preg jeans although lets face it...when your sizes range from a 0-6, something is bound to fit. Oh, I know and I hear it coming but a 6 on me is big as I have been up to 147 lbs and still a size 6!!!! That's right, it is in print now!!!!!!

Saying that, over the past 4 days, because it took that long with an infant in tow, I began cleaning out my closet. I have at least 30 pairs of jeans. (can you say hoarder????) I have the 00,0,2,4 and 6. At one point in my life each of them fit me. I have also mastered the shopping of my favorite stores where I know the jeans run BIG. I have learned, the more you spend, the bigger they are; therefore the smaller I am. A win, win for us all! My ego is stroked, my checkbook is poked and I walk out feeling like the reigning Miss Universe minus 5 inches, 5+ years (that is all you will get from me:)))) and a winning title. Doesn't matter. I can sport a size 2, New Religion Jean at a whopping $$$$$$. I do recommend Nordstrom Rack though because I DO NOT LIKE TO PAY FULL PRICE for casual wear.

So I packed up the 00 (because after a baby EVERYONE's hips expands even Heidi Klum), my 0's and my 6's and have settled into the 2-4 range at a weight between 125 and 135. I have never quite understood how I can gain 5lbs over night but it happens. Also, BIG RECOMMENDATION.....NEVER and I say NEVER weigh yourself at Night!!!!!!!!!!!

See weight is SOOOOOO not an accurate assessment of some one's fitness level. Although I am FAR...from the fitness queens of the world but I am ok. I can and will do better but in light of my past year... I am o.k......I did get 8"s in fitness so TAKE THAT, tall skinny perfect one!:))))

So I will wait with baited breathe as too the new resolution on health care reform. Tick, tock... I am a Republican and will stand by my parents view that Reagan was the best President in their lifetime. Mind you, I was young and therefore not so effected emotionally but my parents were happy, the economy was good and I don't ever recall a conversation about health care reform when I was three. I grew up on Clinton and I shall refrain about the impression he made on me except you got to give it to a "former" who still continues to make a difference based on charisma.

I feel EXTREMELY lucky in a year that my son spent 165 day in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (5 1/2 months), that I am a military spouse. I remember when my Dad passed and we received a 250K hospital bill and when I spent a few months in and out of the hospital, it was financially and emotionally devastating and yes...we worked, had insurance and were living the American Dream. Nothing can be more devastating than health care as it is so costly, so necessary and so many times an unexpected cost that just hits you when you least expect it. Someone made a comment to me at a restaurant once when Carter was still in the NICU, "Glad to see my tax dollars at work"....well me too as I pay EVERY YEAR in the multiple digits, my husband has been deployed FIVE TIMES in 9 years, two to IRAQ and I lost my job because of the economy. ME TOO!!!! Really, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT is what I wanted to say but I refrained and just said ....thank you for you well wishes but YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE! (love you Eddie!)

So as I sit here waiting and I am covered in today's milk by product, un-showered and my husband is serving our country (literally), I wonder...my arms don't look like Michelle's, the dancing with the Stars couple broke up , Dr Oz may not be able to help me and I am still hoping for an extreme home(an personal:) makeover....when it comes to REALITY...what is real and what is what we only hear in all that is said. Reality is life. Speeches are only as good as the definitions behind the words that are said and the understanding of the synonym's behind them.

So as an American...still listening and I am honored to do so.

Saturday was a great day. I was with friends and we were out and about in DC. We went to the War Memorial and were able to visit and see many veterans from the Vietnam War and some even from WWII. It really is something that makes this country so amazing. So many have sacrificed their lives for the sake of freedom. My friend Anka was with us and has just arrived to the US from Romania and she was amazed at the beauty of the situation. I thought it was interesting that she used the word beauty. What a true statement as one reflects on the young and the old and just the amazing gift of life, hope, dreams and freedom that lies within us all. Regardless of our nationality.

I also wanted to take the time to send out a few congrats today. Congratulations to Jennifer Naida for winning Mrs Illinois International 2010 and Shannon Beam for winning the Miss Sweetheart Pageant representing Virginia.

Happy Labor Day to all...off to pack up the white pants and white shoes! I personally think most white shoes should be banned past the age of 6 but I will admit to owning a few strappy pair. The one part of my body that I never have to worry about white making me look fat!

Ahhh the day continues and deliveries have arrived. YEAH!

So I am sitting her in my ever so exciting life perplexed about a few things. What is new, right?

If you eat an egg, did you really eat the whole chicken?

If you buy a potty patch for dogs and they can be trained to use it, what is the problem with the toilet?

If you just lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks, how can you gain back 4 in one night?

If you never "swallow" gum, how come it is 5 calories? I never count what I spit out:)

Why should we ever have to apologize for who we are when we are one of a kind?

Why is Texas toast called Texas toast when they serve bread that big with every Arby's Fresh sandwich everyday. (sporting over 700 calories a pop!)

Why is up sizing only good at the drive through when if you want to up size your life they call you selfish or over ambitious. Hum, fat or ambitious??????

I feel like I am suffering from the "should of, would of, could of" ailment. It is one of those days that I am left to wonder what I could have changed or should change in my life. Now this isn't an epiphany because to be frank, I go though this at least once a week. Usually it passes with a little retail therapy:)

I think what brought this on is the pending arrival of the oxygen man with new tanks for Carter and the always exciting delivery from Diapers.com for Carters 22k/cal formula which is not sold in stores and is priced as such.

I find myself looking at other Mother's of premature infants blogs to gain an expectation of when Carter might be off oxygen and then I wonder...what did I do to make this happen??? Carter is such a blessing and I am so proud of him but I think every Mother looks at their children in hope and prayers of giving them the best life, quality of life and maybe even things you never had. Some blogs are really hard to read or even see. The struggles they go though cannot be put into words and the journey's are just so amazing. I never really new or understood that there were so many premature infants born everyday until we lived 165 days in the NICU. Sadly, in our time, we were aware of the losses of two children born at Carter's gestational age. Someone said to me that God brought him into your life for a reason and here because he new you could handle what ever challenges that may come his way. As I look down at my little Monkey ...aka Rocky...batting his toys on his bouncy I realize I can and I will. Not an option. He is stating 98 with his hr being 154. Life is good. I will never forget the night is was at 44 @ 100% O2.

On a slightly less heavy note, I have become introduced to the Wendy Williams show this week. She is entertaining and I love her "friends in my head" analogy. To me she just should have said my Facebook friends. Well, at least the majority of our FB friends. So today after my arrivals arrive, I will sit back and reflect on the friends in my head. We will all sit around, drink a glass of wine and discuss our Grammy, Oscar and Emmy wins:!

(I post photo update of Carter almost daily on Facebook!)

Where are all the FAT MEN? I was chatting with my BFF, yes,we have them over the age of 20, but after reviewing my "edits"of magazine covers, where are the FAT MEN? No cover has a man that has that announces , "Hey I just Lost 80 pounds after giving up beer or Jack Daniels"???....REALLY??? "My wife gave birth and they have sympathy weight"...sympathy....NO ONE FELT BAD FOR ME!...

Looking for US or People to publish...FAT MAN LOOSES A LOT OF YET STILL HAPPY, NOT ALONE and the winning of the last Brownie.

Testosterone, sign here....

For Mothers of preemies out there, I am happy to report that Carter was assessed today for development/delay. He is tracking at 4 and 5 mos and is 4 months adjusted. As I said to my Grandmother today, it is all about God. We are so blessed and he is just so amazing...I love his smiles,his laugh and his hold. He had me from hello.

On a different note, I have been doing my usual "drug store junkie" shopping. I am particualy addicted to magazines. (and shampoo:0)) So I ran across the cover of Brittany with her new body on it. Now, I realize I could only hope to be known by one name and add to that a name that they could print:)

She looks amazing, don't get me wrong. I just wish "we normal folks" were judged by the same standard in the world of pageantry. (Did I say normal? She is at least a 4!)

Where is my cover?

Hid my bikini.....:)

Tonight Andy and I were watching the daytime Emmy's. Being an aspiring artist ( aren't we all) , I found myself in a world of dreams I onced lived. So close I could touch it and so far away, eternity prevailed. General Hospital had many spots on feed the children. I was humbled. We live in a world that food or McDonalds is a given ( although I was once hit by a big mac after giving it to a homeless man)

I asked my husband if he ever saw this in Iraq. A subject he avoids. I could tell he had and much worse. His commanding officer lost his son on Andy's first tour.

My hope is the world does not get caught up in an anology of what was but remembers what is. May no child ever go hungry, no parent ever loose a child and WE ALL find the unconditional love we were born with.

So I was watching "Real Housewives" and something struck me. I have always been forgiving or understanding of those who have not walked in my shoes and handle life as such. At what point do you hope they are there for you? When do you stop feeling guilty and disappointed for that?

I always promised myself I would not be one of those girls with high school hair. You know them, they come back to your reunion sporting the same "do" they did 10 plus years ago. Now this is done for many reasons. Security in once what made them "in", not wanting to look older, fear of change or the always existing....I have no idea what to do so let's grow it so long that they might sing ,"don't it make my brown eyes blue":)))

I personally love fashion but when it comes to my hair, well I suffer from all of the above. Sprinkle in a husband who might pass out or go for the younger fawn (kidding, kind of:) I have NO idea what I should do. Daily I hope that Tyra Banks may show up to give me a Mommy make over. But as my doorbelll continues to lay dorment I ask myself, should I throw myself on Rockefellow center and pray for an ambush makeover? After being blonde, brunette, red, green(don't ask), I am back in High School with my hair. Good thing that spiral perm never took.

It has been a great week for me as my family has been in town. My wonderful Brother, Lois Lane and Benjamin have once again brought out the tourest in me. We saw the Hope Diamond which raised my expectations of upgrading my wedding ring, many MANY MANY monuments and I did embrace the vendor hot dog. I firmly believe that you do not gain weight when on vacation...even if its not your vacation.

This weekend...drum roar.... Andy's sister is getting married so we are travelling North. This, of course, is where I am able to sport the missing (but found) bridesmaid dress.

Nothing is better than a wedding, especially if you are in the bridal party. Not only are you able to wear a dress that will never go out of style (they need to be in style first:), be victim to the ever frightful spiral prom hair do but you are also able to down a magnum of champagne in the am hours while at the salon. Well, if its mixed with OJ, I do support that tradition....it is five o clock somewhere.

So as I prepare for my exciting weekend and more family, I ask myself....Isn't it five o'clock somewhere ALL THE TIME? Hum...survival!

Keep in mind I am not old, although some had me at 90 prior to International:) However, I embrace the fountain of youth! Thus I am lubed up like the next generation of GREASE in my hopes to maintain my youth as I write this.Every night a new creme and another hope. Saying that, my wonderful sis...Lois Lane is visiting with BIG BRO and Little B....love the family:) So today we journeyed out in DC and tonight I am spritzed with Giorgio. That's right, the infamous fragrance from the 90's so I am reliving my youth or hers...ok ours but I am in denial.

I love Lois Lane but am concerned that a spiral perm, 20 hours of Micheal Jackson and a quart of White Zinfandel (or mad dog 20/20 as my sis is coaching me to say (she is a little older) :))))may follow!

I have come to realize a few key points in my life today. One, I am a neat freak addicted to smell of pine sole and secondly, I am a natural blonde. That's right, after years of spending money at the salon(lately $300 +) , baby pictures of me being a toe head with curly hair (what happened to them?) I discovered via Loreal, I am in fact a NATURAL BLONDE and the box says so.... so it must be true! I have to admit, my new found obsession with the beauty aisle at out local stores has had me thirsting for more. Yesterday I ventured into ULTA which happened to be right next to Buy Buy Baby so I am still a good Mother...WOW. Gold mind! In the next hour, I should have Stiletto lashes, naturally blonde hair, a flawless complexion and a well dressed son (courtesy of Buy Buy Baby:) All in under 30 minutes...times change!

Motherhood, not so bad....off to the shower...

I love technology. I love that I can tweet, face book, my space and even blog. We keep in touch, make new friends, reunite with old friends and the...drum roar...the old girlfriend FACE BOOKS the husband. Is this something we should worry about as it was in the 90's and we all had hair half our body size? Why do you ask did she face book????? Is she still single? Can you ever REALLY be friends with an ex?
Maybe she is just FRIENDLY?

How do you be a good, secure wife when this happens? (frankly....it is an EX SO HECK NO! NO NEW FRIEND FOR YOU! AREN'T I ENOUGH! (refer to the vow of "just me" here)


So be it that I am a flood of compliments these days, well receiving them from my Fre enemies that is, so I feel confident in his new long lost rekindle on FACE BOOK.

Is it wrong that I am OK with it and are hoping she is as big as Texas?

Today the good wife, if she is hot can you say DELETE!

I am one who appreciates compliments. I am not the most confident and hey, who doesn't want to be told they look good, right? I have come to realize that there are many different kinds of compliments and some that are actually insults but disguised in the verbiage of a friendly exchange of words between you and what same may call..."YOUR FRI ENEMIES". These are "friends" on a social net working site, the girl next door, the family you are forced to tolerate and even yes, someone you might consider a friend. Sad but true. Lately there have been a few exchanges that have left me feeling like I was side swiped by a tiara.

Personal favorites: What was said and what I was thinking.

"You look really tired, are you o.k?"~"Did you really just say that right before I compete? I was (note WAS) really having a great time and thought I looked good. I knew I should have hired a makeup artist. Wait I AM ONE. WT....."

"WOW (emphasise on the WOW), you lost weight"~ "Why yes I did. I HAD A BABY when you saw me last. What was I, a HEIFER at a size 4!!!!"

"If I were AS SHORT AS YOU, I would have altered those shorts" (said right before a fitness event)~"Well, if I did you would have reported me too and I am not that SHORT! You are just REALLY tall! REALLY, REALLY TALL!"

I guess when it comes down to it, compliments are what you make of them. So I will just assume I am a thin, petite exhausted Mom. Hey I am! (roll with me on thin:))))

I am huge fan of "better living through chemistry". It is true, I have at least used exfoliater:))))

I was speaking to a friend of mine about the "girls". Lets face it, I am a Florida girl so at least 62% of those residing in the sunshine state have something to smile about, or at least their other half does. So I was living in Alabama and had the privilage of hotel care so thought why not, lets get exfoliated.

A few notes of reference, when someone tells you they where exfoliated and took took aspirin and were fine, THEY LIED! Secondly, if you exfoliate a 1/2 sack and it is suddeningly a few pounds more, they shine like two trapped ballons ready to bust. They sit so high you can eat off them

Positive note, I can always rely on them. They never let me down, literally!

So when embracing chemistry, remember that science or the phrase "practicing medicine" is there for a reason. They always need something to pratice on! Carter in fact was made through the love of chemistry and I have to love that!

The past weekend was a little rough on me. No real reason, no dramatic moments (besides the occasional discussion with my husband on shoes:)and really nothing to complain about. I have my health, my son's health, the love of a good man and PLENTY OF SHOES. (at least for today:))) However, I am missing my parents. They both passed away in June and July but there are just some days/times where I just miss them. They both died of heart disease at 54 and 56 years of age. I have had many who wondered why I did not change my "platform" for pageants to heart disease. It is a fair and honest question and one that I have asked myself.

I first started volunteering with the American Heart Association in 2000. This was before the platform world but something I just felt passionate about. Little did I know that I would lose the most important people in my life (at the time) to heart disease. My Mom had her first stroke in her 30's and had always been "sick". I was very young and I think I blamed myself for so much. I remember running away as a teen and my Father saying, "Do you know what you did to your Mother?". That I will never forget. In retrospect, I realize I had nothing to do with it but as a teenager, the world is on your shoulders and fault can always be found because we aren't exactly the most confident. Especially me. I wasn't the prom queen but I was an honors student. A lost student at times but I think every teenager is.

Move forward many years, many losses and a day in Florida that I will never quite understand. My Dad owned a business and had a temper but also a lot of love. He got so upset in the morning due to business that he blew out his mitral valve. Considering he accidentally cut his finger off a few months earlier and drove himself to the hospital, his stubborn nature made him think he was OK. I was working that day and called him. His response was tell your Mom I am fine. That is the kind of man he was, always fine. (I will only share with you the definition of F.I.N.E in person:)))) Well about 5pm he called my Brother, two weeks later and a double valve replacement he passed away. Move forward two years and my Mom was found deceased at the house in Georgia after surgery. She had St Jude valves and my dad pig valves. (this sounds odd but is what is used based on the patients age and status) I did find it funny that my Mom's valves came with a warranty, what were we going to collect????

For me, it wasn't a platform but part of my life. I also have to admit that it was hard for me to talk about for a few years as it was personal...really personal. Nobody wants a babbling beauty queen. To me, everything that Andy and I have done with the Armed Forces hopefully helps in a world that is forgotten. Especially as 911continue to be move further away in some minds. Trust me though, not in the minds of those who serve daily.

Carter had a PDA ligation in January on his heart. He is doing great. I guess we are just a family of big hearts, a lot of emotion and forever love. I am ok with that. When I go to pick up the phone, I just look to the heavens and know they are there 24/7. I am sure my Dad would love to have told Andy that I dream and love shoes. Well I should, they made me that way! As my Father always said, if you give up your dreams you die. So, for now, I'll just keep dreaming.

I have come to understand that "nesting" is a part of new Motherhood. Because Carter was born so early, my nesting went on for months. I cleaned, I scrubbed, I sanitized, had the carpets cleaned and even decided to start washing the walls and every door just in case my son actually decided to crawl up them. He has always been an over achiever so I thought that I should prepare just in case:) My house carried with it the fresh aroma of pine sole and the sparkle of a new day.

Move forward three months, WHAT HAPPENED????? The diaper genie over flows (not a pretty scent there), the furry family has forgotten that the carpet is not grass, the cat can't find the litter box (as if it has moved), the laundry just keeps growing and the only sparkle left is the faint reflection of sunlight that occasionally peeks through the cloudy glass that once was SPOTLESS.

Now I am not a fan of clutter. I pride myself on organization and attention to detail. All are traits that are GONE with the exhaustion that comes with sleepless nights and days full of appointments.

Time, where does it go? Food preparation has me wondering if my husband would mind if I just served his food in a bottle.For dinner yesterday, I ate chips. Yes, chips and a lot of them....My journal entry read chips, 10 servings but I figured if I consumed my 1200 calories for the day in one setting, I was still on track. Makes sense, right?

We did actually manage to clean the garage yesterday. Well, not really "clean" but reorganize. What forced this rare occasion was my search for a missing bridesmaid dress. That's right, a missing BRIDESMAID DRESS. These are the dresses that we are all forced to buy and know we will never wear again. We like to think we would and we tell ourselves we can as we drop the hundreds of dollars on dresses that come in the shades that only an easter egg should ever be seen in. I had purchased a dress a few years ago for my sister in laws wedding that was delayed. The one good thing about a bridesmaid dress is because they are never "IN STYLE" so they never really go out of style.

I am happy to report that after some initial panic, the dress was recovered still in its plastic. Today, the challenging part. I get to try it on...ok maybe I will wait a day or two until the chips digest...

Anyone who is married or has been married knows that there comes a time when you fight. Well,we do this before we get married so why not continue on with the tradition, right? Some are big, some are small and some make no sense AT ALL (insert quirky rhyme here:)especially if a glass of wine or two was in the mix. Yes, it is true, I have been know to have a glass or two of wine. (yes, shocking but I am over 21) Not all the time but on a Friday night, it is nice to have a glass or two to decompress from the week.

(disclaimer:)If you are under 21 I don't endorse or recommend this.

So, we met up with friends, I had some wine and yes, our Friday night fight began. I am such a lame drinker that we have actually labeled my stupidity. Most of the time it is about NASCAR, clothes, shoes and the always present BUDGET (aka, spreadsheet)! You see, I am married to a military man. More than that but a military man that went to West Point. Mind you he some how has forgotten how to make a bed (wasn't that a course he took?????) but still we live off a spreadsheet. We are blessed enough that we are good financially, not great but good, however my husband plans for the future and I for the day. I firmly believe that I will be walking in those over priced shoes for years to come and on Friday night, it doesn't matter. I am right, you are wrong. This was a vow we took I am sure of that and I AM WRITE AND YOU ARE WRONG:) He did say I do, so why the argument? He believes that that one pair of black shoes should last forever. Are you KIDDING ME? Heels change! Pointy, square, round toe...come on! Black is not just black. It is BLACK!

Keep in mind, I am not alone in this as my perfect husband has been known to pick a fight or two (or just tell me that I may not be perfect...huh, what?) So he gets Mon-Thursday with Saturday being up for grabs.

Have I mentioned lately how much I just love Sunday :)

PS and my hubby.....(and Carter of course...and halo...josie...jack:)

Is it really August already? House payment made, check. Utilities paid, check. Grocery list, check. Carters updated appointments scheduled, check. Weight...hum.

We make schedules everyday. They come in the form of honey do list, personal list, personal wants, what we are writing down but know will never happen list and one of my personal favorites...THE DAILY FOOD DIARY/WEIGHT GOAL list.

I decided to use one of my iPhone apps and set up a nutrition/dieting goal sheet. (aka...list) As I made my first entry, I already thought about cheating. Was that really a WHOLE chicken breast? I mean I did leave some residue on the on the plate and that had to have been good for at least 50 calories. Does eating a Weight Watchers Cookies and Cream bar at 5am really count as today? I did go back to sleep???? Probably not, lets just not include that.

I was brave and SCALED it. Personally, I find a scale to be a morale and degrading device that is forced upon us as a BENCHMARK as to what we are weight wise and what we could be. It is not REALLY accurate as to who we are. For instance, I weigh...cough, sputter, sneeze (insert fantasy weight here) and people think I weigh something else. Doesn't matter, I could weigh a version of Kate Moss and people still have opinions.

I have a friend of mine who was recently ridiculed on one of those tabloid sites:) being called too THIN. I wanted to scream for her...TOO THIN! ARE YOU BLEEPING KIDDING ME!!!! They make shows on weight loss, dieting companies thrive on weight loss stories and in this current economic state we all still want to be called TOO THIN!!!!! People always look for something. Me, I would be good with TOO THIN. Even when I just balance on one foot on the scale (yes, I actually have done this), TOO THIN has never popped up.

I am happy that MOST of the baby weight is gone; however, not all of the body is the same. What is up with the baby weight muffin top. Huh???? I carried him in the front! The scale is still not my friend and I am sure it is off on its assessments of me. I have come to the conclusion that the scale and the dry cleaners are in cahoots to shrink my close and supply me with false information. Shady cleaners....;)

On another note, yes, I did embrace the shower today with my new long hair shampoo and conditioner. Not bad, I am glad it knew I didn't have a crew cut. Carter and I met with the speech pathologist. Yes, at 4 months corrected he is talking. Kidding:) Carter has a gtube and they evaluate his eating pattern with the bottle and I am happy to report that just like Mommy, he likes his food and can down it in record time!!!!

One of those days....

As I was looking around for a box to send my work computer back in I ran across the infamous...Diapers.com box. You gotta love a box that reads like a banner ad that will no doubt raise question when it arrives back to my "former" corporate office. Is someone expecting? Affair? What don't I know?

That is, however, the reason they let me go so why not just send it back to them as such.

It is the little pleasures....

Today I was greeted with excitement. UPS came. It is the little things that happen when you are at home, and even when you aren't, that make you feel like it is Christmas morning. We order things (our first fix) and then get them in (the SURPRISE:) and walla....its like Christmas morning! So what could it be I asked myself, as if I didn't know, yet still surprised.

Excitement bubbled. Anticipation happened...drum roar please...

Diapers.com!!! The life of a Mommy. Not Competitive Image, not Macy's, not Nordstroms but Diapers.com. I was so excited to receive wet wipes, formula and a rattle that my day was made. Really, no one ever knows the true value of a wet wipe until you pull out a dry one. Not pretty.

I did however splurge on new haircare today, a little something for Mommy. Herbal Essence for long hair, as if it knows the actual length of my hair?????? So tomorrow, I face the shower again. Lurking in front of me, water, soap, shampoo...My excitement continues. I am now in the 2.99 plus category of haircare....moving up the chain. If I could only get my face to match my body in color. Still wearing off the spray tan. Did I mention you need to clean the BOTTOM OF YOUR FEET right after you spray!!!!! Another day....another shower.....

Today was a momentous day, Carter had an appointment with the Neurologist, so I showered...yes all of me. My hair was the biggest task especially using SUAVE. That's right, I have begun to clip coupons and use Suave. It was disastrous. Lets face it, some corners are just not made to be cut with long hair. I think I did more harm to the environment using the gallons of water I used to get out almost half the bottle of conditioner I used. Granted, combing my hair over the past few days may have helped but I felt I at least gave due diligence to the commercialism of what products say they can do....and what they can't:(

So as I sat waiting, because I was late of course, I was reading through emails on my IPHONE. ( a product I love) I ran across one from someone I know asking advice on a world some know as "VOY" others know it as the , "evil spawn of satan that lies within some that allow the posting of hateful comments in the name of free speech".

I know we all love to tell our children or perhaps we have heard it from our parents, that how people are in high school is not how they will be or who they will remain when they grow up. Really???? Can anyone say MEAN GIRLS ALL GROWN.

Voy is a TABLOID...for lack of a better description. Starting about three weeks prior to Mrs International I became somewhat of a point of discussion. I had no shine, my fertility, my days were over (what am I 90????) and that I would do nothing, nada, ZERO....My personal favorite was that maybe I was the moderator myself. Why yes, my lifelong dream is to WRITE THINGS ABOUT MYSELF ACROSS THE WORLD WIDE WEB THAT WOULD INCLUDE MY FERTILITY, MY CHILD AND ME BEING A WASH UP. Silly...it would have read something like this....skinny, perfect, cindy crawford type with the IQ of EINSTEIN and married to the king of xyz...seeks the position of Mrs International 2009. Come on, see how silly....oh voy....


Then during the pageant itself, people commented on my SMILE, yes, my smile...why does it never change you ask??? It looks the same ALL THE TIME. Well, its a SMILE for gosh sakes.....it shouldn't change, I was SMILING! Gesh....The sad thing is, I am aware of a few moderators and asked one to remove it when it started. She told me she was too busy and I should just focus on winning and stop reading them. FINALLY, about a day before I left, it was removed...THREE WEEKS LATER....yes, a "friend" I met through pageantry.

OK so my thoughts....most who have ever done a pageant or have been around a pageant at least know of voy. We HATE IT, we claim we never read it, we never post and it doesn't bother us...all of which is a lie...except maybe the posting which I don't do because trust me...they know who you are and even the kindest of statement can turn into ugly. What worried me was that often judges come from the pageant world and they may have formed an unfair opinion of me based on what they read. Like it or not, this is reality.

There are so many beautiful ladies and gents in pageantry. Some have become some of my best friends; however, like every sports team and/or social situation, there will always be someone who "enjoys" knocking you down if they can, especially if they don't have to sign their name. If only judges could really see who they are but then again, we put ourselves out there to be judged. So we need to deal with it or stop competing. It is just life.

Yes, pageantry is fun....five to six complete strangers judging us in five minutes. Then we spend the next few months judging ourselves for a judgement that was made on us in FIVE MINUTES by complete strangers....

You can never stop what someone writes about you (ok sometimes you can if you have a good attorney) or assumes about you in what they read. You can only control WHO YOU ARE ON THE INSIDE and HOW YOU ARE TO OTHER PEOPLE. So my suggestion is to just be yourself, respect each other, love your family, friends and God( what TRULY MATTERS) and get out there and live life. If that includes a pageant, good for you. At least you have the courage to do what some only write about.

In closing....a quick update on Carter, he is having an EEG this week. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers but realize that there is NO HURDLE you cannot get through with love, faith, family and friendships. He may have had a seizure but this is something that is treatable. He just smiled at me so we are doing good....keeping it real.

You know it is funny how you go through your life, education and career goals to have everything just come to a sudden stop when you become unemployed. I am not a good unemployed person as I am very ambitious and motivated. HOWEVER, I have come to realize that being a Mother is also a FULL TIME job. One huge benefit is that you really don't need to get dressed for it. (as I sit here in my robe at 12:30pm with residue of yesterdays makeup on my face:)) I was up at 1am, 3am...awake until 5am and then back up at 6:22am. I think only when you can't sleep or are denied sleep do you actually note the 6:22am and not just 6am because it just keeps flashing in your mind with each yawn. ...

Carter is sleeping finally but smiled at me constantly this morning. So because of the smile, sleep is not necessary. Just makes it all so worthwhile. So I am off to web job search, a little vacuuming, toilet cleaning and teeth brushing. Ahhh, I feel so glamorous...

Did I mention our dog Jack got sick all over the house this morning? Then I got sick, then he got sick....you get the picture....