Army Wife...the real one

Its hard for me sometimes to accept certain aspects of life. I know it is said that God does not give you anything you can't handle but at times I just would like to have a one on one with God to say, you have a lot more belief in me than I do myself. Andy and I have been married for going on 8 years and each year brings another challenge. With me came special baggage for him as my Mom passed just a month before we met and my Daddy was already in the heavens. No doubt, I was an emotional wreck and I can't say 8 years later than I am the Georgia peach my Momma was.

Our first year and a half of marriage included 12 months in Iraq for Andy. The next year was transition. We lived in Germany, Alabama, Mass and then and now DC/MD. This was followed after many tries the great gift of my son. Carter Thomas Linz. He, I always say, is an over achiever, arrived 4 months early at 23 weeks and spent 6 months in the NICU and many surgeries. The next year I had a heart attack and a stent placed. Move forward to 2012 and we are facing yet another deployment. Yes, Andy is deploying to Afghanistan.

I am trying so hard to wrap my head around it because everyone is coming back...so said the ever informed media outlets but the fact is we are still deploying.

I am so proud of my husband and I love him so much. He is an incredible man and in some weird warped state I just say to myself God will not take him from me because he knows he is my world and I have no one else in my life to be my rock. Not that he should be but he is my best friend and my one and only true love. If you know Andy, you know that he is a great man, a strong man and yes he does battle me on my shoe addiction but at the end of the day, in his arms is wjere I am meant to be. We do family hugs too, including the furries. EVERYDAY. We may never have the biggest house on the block but we have a lot of love in our family.

I am scared, I am mad and I am so proud of him.

I am an Army wife and accepted that the day I said I do. I have no regrets but I am filled with worry. Carter needs his Daddy and I do too. So do the furries.

I am an Army wife....when will this war ever end?

HSN

I think, ok, I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve.

In all of my emotional turmoil, this week has brought me back to  great place in my life and yet a sad today. I worked for the Home Shopping Network, re branded as HSN for many years. I was on air and also as a buyer. In total 9 years and yes they helped me through college and sponsored a dress for Miss Florida USA. Well Roy and Barry did.

Thank you to Roy for believing in me and Phylis for making me laugh.

We all lost two amazing people this week....laughter and love. Forever irreplaceable

Wounded Warrior Heroes

As today started I was reminded of two things. My husband was gone on military duty and will be deploying soon and I had my son's appointment at Walter Reed.When I arrived I was early. That is a definite new feeling for me but it was a seating clinic for Carters new equipment. Carter has Cerebral Palsy and is in a wheelchair. He is so amazing. Stronger than I am on most days and still fed through a gtube. He is my hero. To him, its smiles and music. He loves music, much like his Mommy.

I was looking around and the situation just humbled me. Wounded Warriors came to mind. Walter Reed does so much and people do not realize all that serve and have served and the sacrifices that had made.Prosthetics were the source of moving forward in the day and I was in the company of other heroes.I urge you to log on to www.uso.org  the wounded warriors to find out how you can help.

I know its an election year and I won't proclaim to be any point of knowledge but I am of emotion, Our military and their families are our countries heroes and should be acknowledged as such.

Looking forward to hearing some Presidential debates.

I had the most amazing time at Mrs International and so blessed and honored I made top 10!!!!! It was just  great week and I met a lot of new friends. I promise I will post pictures! I have just been busy getting back to the day to day and I still need to order them!!!!

I have received quite a few emails since I returned as to what made me go back from fellow contestants. I think in the hours, days after EVERYONE needs to decompress and re-evaluate. I admit, I am a dreamer and a self proclaimed one at that. I have made top 5, not made top 10 and then I have been half way in the middle. I had a judge ask me the very same question. It was a fair one.

First I want to say that I have never once in my years of competing thought that "I" should have won over anyone else. Frankly, I just find that a very silly statement and when I look back at all of the winners for Mrs International, they have all been truly remarkable ladies. I had the pleasure of getting to know Sarah this year and she is AMAZING, kind, beautiful and I know she will be, like those before her, a fabulous Mrs International. I don't think I can even say enough about her in 50 pages of script. Just beautiful. Inside and out.

Why I came back or continue to come back. Hum....pageantry is a sport and with that comes one winner. We know that going into it. We also are asking 5 strangers form an opinion of us in 5 minutes or less and then of course we judge ourselves worse than anyone else could.

I have been blessed to have a husband that supports me, sponsors who believe in me. Why, I question that sometimes but I am so grateful that when I start to doubt myself, they pick me up. It is a pageant and not the worlds answer to the health crisis so yes a reality check is always good.

I became introduced to Mrs International years ago as a Miss. This started for me the year my Father died in 2000. He passed pageant week in Florida and all I kept think was that he would not want me to quit. I placed 3ru in Florida as a Miss but went to Knoxville to watch the Mrs compete. Marianne Oden won and Pam Tillis sang. It was just an AHHHHHH moment for me. Yes, Matt Davenport produced that year and again nothing but amazing.

Move forward to 2006. I got married in 2005 and was living in Germany. Andy deployed and I just felt like I needed to get out of "my world". You see, my Mom died in July of heart related complications. Again, it gave me something to hold on to and before you judge, when your world crashes, sometimes  life jacket is in order.

I competed again in 2008 and made 3ru to Laine Berry. Laine and I had met a few years prior and I have to say she was a FANTASTIC Mrs International. She is stunning, still is stunning and I think has done a lot to raise awareness of heart disease. I am not sure where the left turn happened but for the record, I really think she was an amazing title holder and has FANTASTIC style.

I came back in 2010 & 11. In 2010, I was 1st ru in MD and came back at large. My son, WHO WAS WITH ANDY AND I AT THE PAGEANT, was with us in Chicago. Carter had spent 165 days in intensive care and the pageant just lifted me out of a place of chronic sadness. I did not make top anything in 2010 or 11 but I have no regrets about being there. How can you regret a situation where you make new friends, are given a microphone of opportunity (for me that is the AHA/ASA, AVON and the USO) and hey, I parked my track suit for a week for some sparkles and 5 inch heels!

Through my pageant journey I have been introduced to some of my best friends. Jervaun Trier, Sarah Brown, Hilary Gushwa (no offense against anyone but she would be the most amazing Miss International), Joey, Clay, Thomas, Drew, Terry, Michelle, Sylvia, AJ, Juliana, Jade and so many more. I really got through the week with Mrs PA, Kimberly and her family as my neighbors. LOVE THEM!

Why do I come back....I believe that the opinion of 5 people is valuable but it does not define you. You define yourself in everything you do.

I say keep believing and keep doing. You will know when it is time to stop but that is YOUR decision to make and no one else.

The International pageant system is my passion, my belief and my family. Win or loose, they are still my family .


Dare to dream. I do

Mrs Maryland International 2012

Deanna Linz