Life is interesting. It definitely keeps you on your toes. It is hard to believe that tomorrow is my Birthday. Really, another one???? Time flies. I know we all hear that but it really does. One day 18 with the world in front of you then suddenly poof…30ish with the wonder of what you left behind.


I have had a good couple of weeks. I visited the American Heart Association office in DC and have been working on an educational program with the a Adventist Hospital chain in hopes of educating women on the signs, symptoms and realization that heart disease effects women of all ages and all weights. Through AHA my spot aired on our local ABC affiliate and I received a positive response. Many had no idea that I had had a heart attack and stent placed. We all hear life is short but until the realization that it really is hits you I think we all think, “naw, it will never happen to me.” In a land of super Moms, Teens and women in general we are all trying to prove something. The unfortunate thing is we can and often do loose ourselves in the process.

Andy, Carter and I also attended the PA International pageants. Scott and Jodi Cessna are amazing people and put on a great pageant. Thank you to the Competitive Image for providing me with the perfect dress for the event. They have the most amazing clothes and always make me feel like a queen or DIVA ))) I spend my life staring at monitors so it felt really good to shower and feel pretty! My hubby appreciated it also! We had a great time in Altoona, PA with the family and a wonderful and inspiring friend. It was also great to see so many visiting “queens” or as I like to call many of them, friends. Go Heidi Scheer for Ohio…sorry just had to put in a plug))))

I love the International system and that it promotes community service and platform (as a Mrs, that is 50% of your score). Congratulations to all the new queens in the Teen/Miss/Mrs PA International program. You will love nationals and the family it gives you and the amazing lesson you learn that if you walk in someone elses shoes, you will learn and grow. This is why I feel platform is so important. Everyone has a story. Imagine if our Grandparent wrote a book. This is where history begins!

This weekend, well, it is my Birthday. Without going into too much detail. This week was hard but Carter is doing well and I survived. My pending b-day….I will be sharing it with great friends and Carter. Andy is on Military duty((((

My walk for the March of Dimes is April 24th and I am so close to my goal. If you can provide support, thank you!!!! As a Mother of a former 23 weeker, I can attest that the March of Dimes makes a difference…everyday. It is a child’s life, so lets start it the right way.

Off to hit the treadmill AGAIN!!! Seriously, it may be gravity, it may be age, it may just be exhaustion but what is up with that dang treadmill. Its always trying to kick my butt!

I will always think that the greatest episode of survivor would be a season of pageant gals in the amazon. Lipstick, check....razor, check....padded bikini,,,,check.....competitive spirit...PRICELESS. Just lets not narrow it down to heros and villians!!!!! Wait that is what voy is for!

The day is starting to show the signs of spring. The remaining snow is cooling down the air as it melts but at least the temperature is in the 60's. Cloudy though in preparation of the rainy days to follow. At least we did have a full day of sunshine. Maybe it is the clouds or the pending rain but I starting thinking about everything. For me, this is not always a good thing:) I remember last year when I competed in Maryland for Mrs Maryland International and again over the summer at Mrs International. There were so many eyes and frank statements made in judgement on how I could do that when my son had been in the hospital for 165 days and still was struggling with many health issues. Carter was by my side but that didn't matter to some.There is something to the statement that if you sit down for too long you may not be able to get up. For me, it was a respite in a time of great struggle and how I survived outside of the tears I shed daily.

There was a child that passed when Carter was in the NICU that was tracking as Carter was and born as early. I was pretty horrified when the nurse commented that maybe it was for the best. I can't ever imagine that was the best for anyone and certainly not his parents. What this year and the 9 and 6 years prior since loosing my Mother and Father have taught me is that strength is found in God, in love and most importantly your family. I think my heart attack in January and surgery just made me realize that life is so very precious and it is important to always fight for those you love and advocate for them and their causes. When I look back I guess I could feel sorry for myself and I do at times, because I am human...but that can't be the state of which I live daily. Carter needs me and I need him. Last week after his surgery I think what hurt the most was that it took two days to get a smile from him. He gives LOTS of smiles daily so I was really in need of one. When he smiled I knew everything would be just fine.

Its important to not sit down for too long. This life waits for no one. Time moves ahead as I write but doesn't it always? It never stops. It is already two seconds past my last word. Time flies....ehhhhh....

Last night I met the most amazing young man in the PEDS ward. He just came up from the PICU and turned 15.His name is Ashton Ebert and has a blog on Caring Bridge. I found him so inspiring. I remember earlier in the day I saw him walking with his Mother. These are the true heros to me. Our children. All children.

Carter was discharged today from the hospital. It is so good to be home. The best part is all of the giggles I have gotten. That and I actually get a real shower and bed. Carter is such a trooper and I am certain will miss his daily flirts with the hospital staff. However, there is no better feeling than when the whole family is back together.

How does anyone ever get better in the hospital? You can never sleep?

Ahh...good to be home....early to bed for me!

I am sitting in the surgical waiting room at Walter Reed with so many thoughts that are going through my mind. We have been here almost a week and at some point it all just becomes a blur. I am happy that Carter seems to be ok with the change of scenary although I am sure he would like to once again feel the comfort of a full tummy. They stopped his feeds last Saturday in preparation for surgery and unfortunately due to complications, his surgery was moved until today. This gave his lungs time to be in the best shape possible and for that reason alone I am ok with it. He was smiling this morning but of course this was before they came in to attempt to draw blood and put drops in his eyes. (While Carter is sedated they are also going to take a look at his eyes.) The Nissen I have been told takes about 3 1/2 hours. Oh yeah...so I am sitting here worried and waiting.


I am carrying around Carters glow worm which is randomly going off no doubt making others wonder if I don't belong on another floor. We went to get coffee and a guy saw me kiss it and he winked at me. Yes, I looked a bit odd but I do find comfort in having it close to me as it is always close to Carter. Keep in mind I also travel with Halo, my first born pups (my favorite but don't tell Jack:), favorite doggie toy. Maybe I do need therapy. My husband often kids me that I probably shouldn't take her "favorite" toy.  What we Mothers do because we love our little one's so much!


I do have to wonder why waiting rooms are always so cold! The temperature gauge is of course guarded by the locked box so I have no chance of warming up what is a very chilly situation. There are a lot of people "waiting" so the room is filled with an awkward silence and the anticipation of a phone call or visit from a doctor carrying really good news. Its an odd feeling. Reminds me of flying. Once you are up in the air, you have no control. It is all in the hands of God.


So I am praying. Praying for our little plane to soar and land safely back home. May God watch over Carter, protect him and make him feel safe during the surgery. Mommy prays for a safe landing with no turbulance.