Pageant advice

Hey I do them, love them and my red solo cup may be turned the other way but much is to be gained. I was asked what would be you one bit of advice. For me, do it for YOU. For $250, less than a pageant expense you could BUY a CROWN. WHY are you competing? You can volunteer? You can can get out there? WHY ARE YOU wanting to compete in a world that now makes fun of a crown? Why put yourself out there?

Pageantry in all its glory is a celebration of life and opportunity. In the days we look at why it gives us why not with a sparkle and sometimes with a scandal. Hey,if bleeds it leads.

This is my crown journey alone and some was selfish. I and lets not go back to "I" but I lost my parents. So I am in Germany with Halo and Josie and Andy is in Iraq and I was so alone I started working with the USO and with the International pageants. I didn't feel so alone and I met Joannie at an event in Tennessee who is now one of my best friends!

Here is my 411. Do a pageant when you make that choice.  Find your heart in your journey. Although I never won International, its fair, true, and kind and family. 

Listen no one ever won an Oscar, Emmy or Grammy off a pageant win but and a great big BUT (hopefully not mine:)

Chase life. It wont open your door Make it happen.

I''m not done~

My heart truth

Pour me something stronger the me.

Betsy Royall Casting!

As my life is starting over I am starting to venture out and its fun. Geez this may age my 29 year old self but I am not 29 so I remember Star Search and yes I was on...ok a regional finalist for Nashville Star. So a bit excited for America's Got Talent although I can't juggle or flip or twist and in fact just took pain meds for throwing my back out and sport glasses to see any menu. They are cute!  I had so much fun yesterday at Betsy Royall Casting with Besty and Carol Stover who did my makeup. She was amazing. I felt just like me and I met some incredible new friends.

I am going back out on the audition circuit and of course America's Got Talent! I PRAY I make it through but who knows #AGT2015. Photos are done....video done...a click away....we shall see.

I know the photos will be great they were pretty real. I was a fun afternoon! Loved BETSY AND CAROL!

I HOPE I GET CAST!

My heart truth~

D

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE...EVERY 9 SECONDS

Social media AND THE MEDIA has brought awareness to some pretty important issues lately. Issues that some deemed a "hush" topic are now being talked about. Its frightening to me the reality of what happens in life and like so many others it happened to me. My first "love" I met in Florida. I was a virgin until I was 21 and he was the "one". Oh that night was oh so romantic, it involved a couch and lettuce from Subway hanging from his mouth afterwards so not exactly the fairytale. It was more like do it or I'm leaving so I did it. "It" I'm not sure what "it" was but "it" was just bad. Having waiting for the one I would have hoped the setting would have been better but no. Ok so my lack of judgment did not stop there. As I have been known to do, I pack my heart and head and moved to Chicago. YEP, I chased a man and suddenly we were living together. He was in a Frat in college and killed a cat and had hit a previous girlfriend so I knew he had anger issue but "of course never with me". A few examples of our love story included an accident that involved a screw under my left eye from hitting the back of exercise machine, got stitches, head hit a walk, knocked out cold not lift my leg for a few days and still have some issues, aggravates a limp and the big one. We got pregnant. I hate to use the term WE but it does take two.

I don't like to use names but I'll call him "DICK" as it is his "sir name". He is from Wilmette, Illinois. He kicked it out of me by my hair my heart my soul. One time after just for putting a book down too hard he dragged me out of the house by my hair. He was a charmer.

I have never shared this story before but a few doctors, friends and family know but in light of recent events domestic violence is not acceptable. I just had lunch with my amazing friend from 20 years ago who referenced the media  and the court cases and my strength. He said, you out of all people I would have never thought would have stayed with him and you kept going back even when I was there. Why? I answered truthfully, I really didn't think I was worth anything more and no one offered to help. Everyone looked the other way. He actually came to Chicago and I never asked him for help. I was to....ashamed.

During this time my Mom had her congestive heart failure and valve replacement. I had no idea until I was hospitalized that my Mom was too.

I was in the hospital due to infection for weeks due to the loss  and abuse. It was a very lonely time.

I can't fully remember the night but the skyline and I just tried to go to sleep when I tried to take my own life.

I woke up at Northwestern Memorial and spent some quality time there.

My Dad sent me some money to get back home to Florida and when I got back to the home I packed the car and started over.

Its ok to start over.

On the way down I blew a tire so arrived a mess. I had short black hair, lost all faith had nothing and started over. They loved me. I know they love me.

Violence of any kind is NOT right.  PLEASE ask for help. DON'T be a victim. I promise you are not alone. Its taken me 20 years to share my story. WHY?

Don't be my kind of stupid.

Where were you?

It was and will always be a day that will never be forgotten. 9/11. I space about things all the time and forget things but that is a memory that is just there. I was a buyer at HSN at the time in Tampa, Florida and we had a show that started at 7am. Our shows and that time " today's specials" ran on the hour and 7 am was our first airing and it was one of my beauty brands. Aloette. The shows ran in 3 hour segment and I remember when the first plane hit I was sitting at the producers desk and our monitors were on the shows and the call volume. Then we got the call that a plane had hit one of the towers. I think our first reaction was a small plane? An accident? I ran back to the green room and about that time it was all over the news and the second plane had hit and it all became so clear and yet so uncertain.  It was no accident. Working in television , but in retail television, we were just looking to figure out what to do. No one new. Eventually we took a feed from CNN and went off air so to speak from " selling". We called our vendors, many of which who were in New York and of course we could not get through. Planes could not get out and because we were in Tampa and so was MacDill, much was on high alert.

I drove home thinking of my puppy and also all the uncertainty in life. I also remember thinking about family and friends and people with kids and were we at war and my job.

A few years ago I took a job in Boston, MA as a buyer for Marmaxx. They are the parent company to TJMAXX, Marshall's and Homegoods. They lost 6 buyers that day on the flight going out of Logan. The Memorial is beautiful.

On this 9/11 I hope we all are remembering and what will never be forgotten.

Teachable Moment

I have held back a lot about posting about my personal family for many reasons and it all started a few years back. I put myself out there and they did not. Unfortunately the reality is people take form any open forum what they want and some is good and some is bad but I have learned to keep private unless someone says hey write about me especially when it comes to my personal family. I also think that if someone wants to know something about me for any personal reasons, they need to come directly to me and no outside sources so I try to keep that in mind. I share stories with approval as I hopes others do to but I do understand some of mine is out there so I do think this is important because it really bothered me today so I just wanted to share.

I do have an amazing wonderful beautiful family and yes I don't compare them, but others do. My son has disabilities. As he gets older, its gets less forgiving by children around his age and older I find, which has always worried me. Our family and friends understand but strangers not so much. Carter is handsome , tall but he is in stroller (usually in a wheel chair) also so when I am pushing them around a little girl said why isn't he walking? He doesn't look like a baby? Carter had his train and a great big smile. He did not completely track what she was saying (thank goodness) and it broke my heart. It was a teachable moment and I wanted to say to her and her Mom (I have done this a time or two)  its ok, some kids just are so special, just like you are! They have different skills but are great friends and his name is Carter and would love to shake your hand.

Everyday I see this and the parents NEVER address it with their kids? They turn the other way and look at us in pity. I am so blessed my unique and INCREDIBLY special family and I will walk this earth to hell and back to make sure they have everything they need and are completely loved EVERYDAY but why on earth can a parent not teach a child how special all people are. EVERY PERSON is?

Lord, start a log on what the  heck I have done wrong in life but forgiveness, understand, accepting someone, having heart, being human....I'm pretty sure those qualities start at a very young age and I know those are very much a part of who I am and a part of EVERY member of my family.

It doesn't take but a minute to say hi. To be young is a teachable moment. No body is born perfect so lets not let anyone feel anything less.

Always my heart truth~