America's Got Talent!

So I am a big believer in doing it and not just talking about it so I did it, well, we did it, Lindsy and I. Auditioned for America's Got Talent. Honestly, what the heck do I have to loose? You don't get the call? Listen, I put myself out there so not getting the call I am pretty good at. In fact I would say a good top 10 in the lottery department on that one. So I put on my best leather pants and a really awesome friend and off we went on a road trip. 

 Of course it was raining and there were approximately 3000 other hopefuls in Richmond, VA but it was an amazing day. We arrived at 11:30am and gleefully sang at 8:30pm. I did an original, thank you Wil Hodge. All day I hung with an amazing group of people. Artist are funny. We bond quickly and who knows maybe one of us might be your next winner?

"Team Squad"

Photos on the inside were not allowed but stay tuned.....its going to be an exciting year! #agt10

Updates to be posted in 2015!

Pageant advice

Hey I do them, love them and my red solo cup may be turned the other way but much is to be gained. I was asked what would be you one bit of advice. For me, do it for YOU. For $250, less than a pageant expense you could BUY a CROWN. WHY are you competing? You can volunteer? You can can get out there? WHY ARE YOU wanting to compete in a world that now makes fun of a crown? Why put yourself out there?

Pageantry in all its glory is a celebration of life and opportunity. In the days we look at why it gives us why not with a sparkle and sometimes with a scandal. Hey,if bleeds it leads.

This is my crown journey alone and some was selfish. I and lets not go back to "I" but I lost my parents. So I am in Germany with Halo and Josie and Andy is in Iraq and I was so alone I started working with the USO and with the International pageants. I didn't feel so alone and I met Joannie at an event in Tennessee who is now one of my best friends!

Here is my 411. Do a pageant when you make that choice.  Find your heart in your journey. Although I never won International, its fair, true, and kind and family. 

Listen no one ever won an Oscar, Emmy or Grammy off a pageant win but and a great big BUT (hopefully not mine:)

Chase life. It wont open your door Make it happen.

I''m not done~

My heart truth

Pour me something stronger the me.

Betsy Royall Casting!

As my life is starting over I am starting to venture out and its fun. Geez this may age my 29 year old self but I am not 29 so I remember Star Search and yes I was on...ok a regional finalist for Nashville Star. So a bit excited for America's Got Talent although I can't juggle or flip or twist and in fact just took pain meds for throwing my back out and sport glasses to see any menu. They are cute!  I had so much fun yesterday at Betsy Royall Casting with Besty and Carol Stover who did my makeup. She was amazing. I felt just like me and I met some incredible new friends.

I am going back out on the audition circuit and of course America's Got Talent! I PRAY I make it through but who knows #AGT2015. Photos are done....video done...a click away....we shall see.

I know the photos will be great they were pretty real. I was a fun afternoon! Loved BETSY AND CAROL!

I HOPE I GET CAST!

My heart truth~

D

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE...EVERY 9 SECONDS

Social media AND THE MEDIA has brought awareness to some pretty important issues lately. Issues that some deemed a "hush" topic are now being talked about. Its frightening to me the reality of what happens in life and like so many others it happened to me. My first "love" I met in Florida. I was a virgin until I was 21 and he was the "one". Oh that night was oh so romantic, it involved a couch and lettuce from Subway hanging from his mouth afterwards so not exactly the fairytale. It was more like do it or I'm leaving so I did it. "It" I'm not sure what "it" was but "it" was just bad. Having waiting for the one I would have hoped the setting would have been better but no. Ok so my lack of judgment did not stop there. As I have been known to do, I pack my heart and head and moved to Chicago. YEP, I chased a man and suddenly we were living together. He was in a Frat in college and killed a cat and had hit a previous girlfriend so I knew he had anger issue but "of course never with me". A few examples of our love story included an accident that involved a screw under my left eye from hitting the back of exercise machine, got stitches, head hit a walk, knocked out cold not lift my leg for a few days and still have some issues, aggravates a limp and the big one. We got pregnant. I hate to use the term WE but it does take two.

I don't like to use names but I'll call him "DICK" as it is his "sir name". He is from Wilmette, Illinois. He kicked it out of me by my hair my heart my soul. One time after just for putting a book down too hard he dragged me out of the house by my hair. He was a charmer.

I have never shared this story before but a few doctors, friends and family know but in light of recent events domestic violence is not acceptable. I just had lunch with my amazing friend from 20 years ago who referenced the media  and the court cases and my strength. He said, you out of all people I would have never thought would have stayed with him and you kept going back even when I was there. Why? I answered truthfully, I really didn't think I was worth anything more and no one offered to help. Everyone looked the other way. He actually came to Chicago and I never asked him for help. I was to....ashamed.

During this time my Mom had her congestive heart failure and valve replacement. I had no idea until I was hospitalized that my Mom was too.

I was in the hospital due to infection for weeks due to the loss  and abuse. It was a very lonely time.

I can't fully remember the night but the skyline and I just tried to go to sleep when I tried to take my own life.

I woke up at Northwestern Memorial and spent some quality time there.

My Dad sent me some money to get back home to Florida and when I got back to the home I packed the car and started over.

Its ok to start over.

On the way down I blew a tire so arrived a mess. I had short black hair, lost all faith had nothing and started over. They loved me. I know they love me.

Violence of any kind is NOT right.  PLEASE ask for help. DON'T be a victim. I promise you are not alone. Its taken me 20 years to share my story. WHY?

Don't be my kind of stupid.

Where were you?

It was and will always be a day that will never be forgotten. 9/11. I space about things all the time and forget things but that is a memory that is just there. I was a buyer at HSN at the time in Tampa, Florida and we had a show that started at 7am. Our shows and that time " today's specials" ran on the hour and 7 am was our first airing and it was one of my beauty brands. Aloette. The shows ran in 3 hour segment and I remember when the first plane hit I was sitting at the producers desk and our monitors were on the shows and the call volume. Then we got the call that a plane had hit one of the towers. I think our first reaction was a small plane? An accident? I ran back to the green room and about that time it was all over the news and the second plane had hit and it all became so clear and yet so uncertain.  It was no accident. Working in television , but in retail television, we were just looking to figure out what to do. No one new. Eventually we took a feed from CNN and went off air so to speak from " selling". We called our vendors, many of which who were in New York and of course we could not get through. Planes could not get out and because we were in Tampa and so was MacDill, much was on high alert.

I drove home thinking of my puppy and also all the uncertainty in life. I also remember thinking about family and friends and people with kids and were we at war and my job.

A few years ago I took a job in Boston, MA as a buyer for Marmaxx. They are the parent company to TJMAXX, Marshall's and Homegoods. They lost 6 buyers that day on the flight going out of Logan. The Memorial is beautiful.

On this 9/11 I hope we all are remembering and what will never be forgotten.

Teachable Moment

I have held back a lot about posting about my personal family for many reasons and it all started a few years back. I put myself out there and they did not. Unfortunately the reality is people take form any open forum what they want and some is good and some is bad but I have learned to keep private unless someone says hey write about me especially when it comes to my personal family. I also think that if someone wants to know something about me for any personal reasons, they need to come directly to me and no outside sources so I try to keep that in mind. I share stories with approval as I hopes others do to but I do understand some of mine is out there so I do think this is important because it really bothered me today so I just wanted to share.

I do have an amazing wonderful beautiful family and yes I don't compare them, but others do. My son has disabilities. As he gets older, its gets less forgiving by children around his age and older I find, which has always worried me. Our family and friends understand but strangers not so much. Carter is handsome , tall but he is in stroller (usually in a wheel chair) also so when I am pushing them around a little girl said why isn't he walking? He doesn't look like a baby? Carter had his train and a great big smile. He did not completely track what she was saying (thank goodness) and it broke my heart. It was a teachable moment and I wanted to say to her and her Mom (I have done this a time or two)  its ok, some kids just are so special, just like you are! They have different skills but are great friends and his name is Carter and would love to shake your hand.

Everyday I see this and the parents NEVER address it with their kids? They turn the other way and look at us in pity. I am so blessed my unique and INCREDIBLY special family and I will walk this earth to hell and back to make sure they have everything they need and are completely loved EVERYDAY but why on earth can a parent not teach a child how special all people are. EVERY PERSON is?

Lord, start a log on what the  heck I have done wrong in life but forgiveness, understand, accepting someone, having heart, being human....I'm pretty sure those qualities start at a very young age and I know those are very much a part of who I am and a part of EVERY member of my family.

It doesn't take but a minute to say hi. To be young is a teachable moment. No body is born perfect so lets not let anyone feel anything less.

Always my heart truth~

Cardiac VLCAD, no ICE NEEDED just a cure. My Niece, Bella Boo.

I know I rant sometimes and it might seem from left field. Its usually not. My post about Bella is because she has been admitted AGAIN to the hospital. My Niece and I love her so much. Her disease is rare and something that is referred to as an orphan ailment so there is no funding for a cure. I have been dealing with so much leg pain lately and so when I complain mine is NOTHING compared to hers and she is so young. It seems so unfair and it make me so mad. I want to fix it. I want someone to fix it. I feel like I am always at or around doctors for various reasons and so many just don't care. (don't truly get me started on some of my personal feelings in reference to the arrogance of some doctors) I think every ailment is HORRIBLE but when you have something that effects your family of course you take it personally and want to fight to fix it. Can you imagine being a child that can't eat ice cream or run and play with your friends? The reality with cardiac vlcad is her heart may stop. Her CPK levels get so high that even moving her legs hurt her. I am not being dismissive to ASL with the reference to the ICE Bucket challenge but I want to fix Bella. That is all.

PLEASE learn more and how you can help Bella and others who have genetic disorders. Thanks for reading!

Another day in the rant:)

My heart truth~

DL

My heart hurting truth.

What a nice surprise and honor! THANK YOU!

I've been a little down and this was such a nice honor!

New beginnings.....right!

My heart truth~

DL

What is my why?

http://youtu.be/Vo0S1DwMMEk

My Heart Truth!

DL

My First Video Blog Post!

My heart truth~ DL

I never understood FAKING?

I questioned posting this and I won't say a name but I judged someone recently who I believe may have "buffered" their paperwork. I say this because I have been accused of faking a heart attack, yet I have a stents, lost my parents and carry a card that has their locations and last I checked the AHA or Adventist would not have lied for the sake of me winning a pageant. Trust me, they fact check before they print anything and my cardiologist and I have spoken at many events, Dr Michael Chen MD; however; for the first time I got it. I was looking at her paperwork and it said she had a heart attack. She was Go Red. She was also military. Immediately, I was on her side and I wanted to know more. I have been employed by the AHA and also a survivor so when I see "model" on the paperwork, well we aren't models. We are survivors. (Ambassadors and Advocates) I am not a cardiologist. My surgeries were done through my groin. I asked her in a panel interview to share her story. She pointed to her shoulder and said she had a scar. I asked her if she followed the simple 7 and she said she had her own. Clearly no clue what I was referring too.

Her interview went well beyond me and it was panel but it did make me understand why people (or some ) think some "fake things". Where is my scar?

My parents both had valve replacements. I have had two stents surgeries and both through the femoral artery(leg). Mine were the left anterior descending artery and yes in your thirties was very rare. We don't know why but genetics. My parents passed at 54 and 56 and contrary to belief I have siblings and they both are pretty thin but I think (ok I know my Brother smokes) but I don't and never have. I think we all suffer from stress but I am pretty sure we all do. My Brother however today, yesterday and tomorrow although we will disagree on things until the day I die is an amazing man, FATHER, TALENT (I WISH I HAD) and huge pain in my butt...but better then he knows he is. Moving on.

Pageants are fun, they are a gift to lighten the mood. They give back when you cry yet you see in others your darkest moments and why its so important to give back. I see champions, heroes, Mothers, wives, survivors.  Make fun if you will but ANYTHING that makes you want to be a better tomorrow, never apologize for. They create smiles, dreams and hopes. They are a sport. They are a reality and frankly something pretty special if you view them in the right light.

ALTHOUGH, NEVER LIE. NEVER LIE. There was a lady who was boxing for a cause that I fell in love with. Why, because she was real. Never lie because someone on that panel may have walked in those shoes. Always be true to who you are. Be to true to your story and never try and be any more or any less. Just be real. Be honest.

I learned a long time ago that those that love you will love you for who you are and who you were meant to be and if someone walks away or its not your moment, it may not be about YOU. Life is not about YOU.

Just be real....when its your moment, your time, it just will be.

My heart truth~

Everyone is EXQUISITE!



 I had a great day judging the Exquisite International Pageants. Its so hard to put yourself out there and there were ladies from all over the world that made the journey. No one was less or more worthy it was just a moment in time and frankly after interviewing them all I had no clue. They we all just so amazing.

Congrats to all of the new title holders but to those whose did not "win"  (there are no not winners) , continue on your journey!

You all amazed me. Truly. You should be so proud. I was so proud for you.



My heart truth~

Teachers, the DREAM makers!

Who do you want to be? What is your dream? You are allowed to have one. Growing up I skated. EVERYDAY. OH I had OLYMPIC  dreams but never the fortitude or geography...ok skill. I mean we  see all these chances at something , what is your something? I am still chasing. Maybe that is the pageant girl in me, the reality star is someone else or the karaoke junkie at your local bar but we all have a dream. The one thing life has definitely taught me is that life is far to short and we also cut ourselves to short. We tend to doubt ourselves way before we even allow others to doubt us then stand in disbelief when they do.

I think where I have always found strength is in the belief that there is always a brighter day and 15 more minutes to gain. I have to because giving up or giving in just is not part of who I am or the example of who I want to be. I see hero's everyday and blessings everyday but I think the people we forget sometimes are the people that helped to shape up. The people that built us. These are not just family members but TEACHERS.

School is starting back and I can't help but reflect on new beginnings, lessons learned, how dreams begin, stories I read, stories I shared and people who believed in me. My son is starting Kindergarten and I am just so blessed for all of his pre school teachers and excited for his new beginnings. I love my family and its an exciting time but for my son, its especially exciting because he was not suppose to be here. This is a true milestone having been born at 23 weeks and now he is such a big boy and thriving! God is great.

I wonder sometimes where some of my teachers are from school. I have kept up with a college professor or two but I don't know so much about my younger years. I am sure they might have a story or two to tell. 

So to Mr Wilcox, Dr  Bonnie Jeffries, Mrs Parker and all my other amazing teachers....I AM SORRY and THANK YOU! To all the TEACHERS out there...THANK YOU!

To all the parents out there......hey they were not born with an owners manual. We are doing ok!

My heart truth~

Seeing the light. My new journey.

Its just been that kind of time. We all have them. Up and downs and a bunch of craziness. I am a swirl. I have found myself so dark so many times I forgot to find the light, to see the light and there and has been so much. I wish somebody would say , "Hey Deanna, how are you?" I think people just think I am made of stone, I don't know.

I've decided to start the positive and ONLY positive  journey and to look at the world through not what it has taken but what it has given. What better place to start then people, place and destinations so that pretty much leaves me with a lot to talk about for a while since I have been blessed to travel to 22 countries, meet millions of peoples and have so many amazing experiences.

First up??????

My heart truth~

My top 10 or 12 or 15 of what not to do!

I have received some personal feedback lately as to my experience, ok, vast experience in the wonderful world of pageantry and some does equate to life. I have met some non pageant just mean people in my personal life so I think unfortunately reality sometimes just shines a light on a "hobby", yes a hobby or sport if you will when in fact there are "meanies' in all aspects of our lives. People shun their own children, don't open doors for a stranger or take someone down in the work place. Lets not blame it on a crown in sash because on the opposite side I have made some amazing TRUE friends because I have put myself out there. That alone makes it worth it to me.

I have never owned, run operated, press operated , moderated  etc ect any sort of social media VOY board but boy over the years have I been accused of owning them all. We can add that to my fake heart attack, fake births, fake strokes....heck....why although I can't seem to win a pageant I have not won an Oscar by now who knows?

Here is my top of not what to do:

1. Don't wear your heart like its your end all be all. People will take it from you in EVERY walk of life. If you allow yourself to be a victim, guess what...ding ding ding....you are one and they will then call you a victim and the circle just comes back to bite you.

2. Time. When is it your time? Relationship? Job? Pageant? Dream? Some we have no control of. We age out. Some well, they age out of us. We become to old for them. Its not that we aren't as good or as passionate but there is a new wave and our time is gone. Don't take that as a bad thing. I have been told you are too fat, too skinny, aren't worth the air I breathe (forever my recent favorite), you are nothing, your too nice, too kind, too sensitive....TOOOOOOOOOO everything yet you are NOTHING. Yes, told that too even in actions. You know what I say, because this is my blog F*** them. You really don't know me at all because you are just TOO STUPID too know that.

3. SHUT UP. Seems Clear. Seems OBVIOUS. Don't call, text, tweet, post your new or old BFF or boyfriend. Geez, don't add vino into the mix. Have you not seen Game of Crowns? These people are not your friends especially pre and post pageant week. Back away from social media. BACK AWAYYYYYYYYY.........

4. Pageant suggested vendors. This is tricky for me because I have been hurt/stung but I would still recommend them. This is where you need not be so sensitive and keep your business hat on. Just remember everyone talks. Again. get your job done and keep your mouth shut and opinion to yourself. They actually are pretty amazing. If you want the best, use the best and that is all.

5. DRAMA. Who the heck likes drama? No one likes drama and I am sorry but it will hurt you. Refer to all of the above and I have done them and taken myself down. I literally had someone tell me they hate me AT A PAGEANT, ON STAFF. LIE BETTER...I knew she did but could you not fake it.... at least fake it a bit more? Maybe we girls are better at faking it? Seriously. Don't cry, don't do anything. Put your big girl panties on and walk away.

6. Don't buy into hype, theories or conspiracies. Geez. I was still hated and went for it. There is one winner. Period. There is always ONE winner. Period. ONE MVP. PERIOD. Sucks for the rest of us but much like my lottery ticket, I just say ok and move on.

7. Don't ever doubt yourself . Why? If you walked into a job interview, had a bad date, a bad one night stand, a bad panel interview, would you care if YOU walked away? Never let anyone else determine your self worth!

8. Don't ask why...a lesson is learned in every thing. A moment of time does not define you. Time determines who you are meant to be. Treasure it.

9.Don't ever stop believing.

10. Platform. This is interesting and ALWAYS a debate. Platform pageant verses beauty pageant? OK, its a pageant. Do they really want an ugly queen? Honestly? LOOK the part!!!! It does not mean you need hair extensions or plastic surgery just look the part. Honestly the platform, in my humble opinion is to show you have two stones in your head during your year of reign. Different judges ask different things. I had two judges this year that cared more about my dogs and Karaoke then my work with the American Heart Association. Karaoke could have been my platform for all they new. 99% of the work I have done with the AHA/ASA has been without a crown. As a survivor I find that to share my story and to advocate I have not needed the crown because I have worked directly with the affiliate and hospitals. Where I do find the crown beneficial is for the kids. Every USO event, dance, Gala...anything a queen might attend and create a smile. Lets be honest, know your platform, know your charity but a true person committed to a cause for the right reason its not about the snap shot. Its about the job. What NOT TO DO is be the SNAP SHOT QUEEN. That is one thing I HAVE NEVER BEEN but I have seen a lot of that. Don't BS a judge also. A non profit IS NOT GOING TO FLY YOU EVERYWHERE TO RAISE AWARENESS. Why, THEY NEED THE MONEY FOR THE CAUSE! That's YOUR JOB!

12. MOST IMPORTANT....DON'T EVER STOP DREAMING!

13. And final...and the truth...people aren't there for YOU. This may be harsh but they are not and you must own it. There is no prince to save you, no fairy god mother to grant you your wish and no fairy dust. Life just does not work that way. People are going to hate you. People are going to walk away. People will be richer, skinnier, prettier, come from better families, have "lived" their platforms, be more fit, walked on water....GET OVER IT! People have stories and can cry on cue. People walk away much the same. YOU CAN ONLY OWN YOU. YOU CAN ONLY BE YOU. PEOPLE CAN ONLY LIKE YOU or vice versa. Just be you. If you spend so much time and money trying to figure out who you should be you might forget who you are. I did.



My HEART TRUTH~

The heat of the moment

Have you ever put yourself in a situation that you new the outcome but you also new you needed to do it anyway? This was me last week. It really had nothing to do with the outcome of the event but it was really just about me and a few players in the magical world of pageantry. I do want to say that before I post this, whether I was there or not, the outcome would have been the same and I am so proud of all the ladies. Let me tell you, it's not easy to throw yourself on a stage or in a room and give your heart and soul in front of those who love you, which is really at the end of the day is what hurts us most yet they don't care at all because they love us. This was just my journey alone. I want address a few issues, questions and debates.

I came in this year knowing I was not liked by a few important people. The names will be nameless because at this point why but they made it clear through text, emails, FB and friends that it was my " what 8th try and I mean nothing and the judges will know". Yes, I still have all those lovely text and emails. I was also accused of things after last years pageants that were not true and yet begged, cried....begged and was told ...oh I am sure that was hard for you but I won't be your friend you aren't worth the air I breath when in fact someone who was in the dressing room confirmed I never said anything to the fact. Ok so I new all the hate walking in this year and the week was humbling.  Bring it to prelim night...I felt amazing...did amazing and was greeted by a staff member in the restaurant who told me to my face in front of a TABLE of people that he wanted to continue to hate me but he thought I looked beautiful on stage that night. I asked for a hug and walked away. When I walked away after so many people heard what some had denied all week, I wanted to run back and say....ahhh thanks....that must have been so hard for you.

When I did not make finals I ran into him and the I shall not say her name and they were so proud they had had taken me down. Like two vultures. I just smiled because they did not because I stood up in front of them and walked across that stage with pride.

You can never take the soul of a person who does not want to be taken. There is something to be gained in ever journey and something to be won in every loss

Heart healthy and culinary school?

I have to admit, learning to become a chef does not always fall hand in hand with heart health. I struggle with this everyday. I am addicted to cook books and yet I am determined to find a way to figure out the balance. Honestly, that is the true key. BALANCE! I am not a butter buyer or a salt user because processed foods have so much sodium in them. Sodium has so many negative health effects so it's important to stay on top of your sodium intake. With all of that being said, I was thinking about how we disguise good food or at least food that is good for you so that people want to eat it. We do it for kids all the time. In fact there is practically a whole industry dedicated to it. Pasta made of veggies. Chips made of veggies. Ice cream made of fruit. Punch made of fruit. Candy made of fruit. Etc etc. So it got me thinking. At the AHA we have the teaching Gardens which I love but not everyone has their own garden or has access to one and the idea is to get children engaged in healthy eating choices and making those choices fun. Why not try the reverse? I am so saying this in jest....maybe we should make a potatoe chip shaped like a carrot or a Popsicle shaped like a cucumber?  It might get kids used to eating more veggies! ( kidding)

Making smart, healthy choices is important everyday!

Heart health and moderation go hand in hand and I for one am having some fun with it!

Check out the latest blog on www.heart.org to learn more about sodium and other ways you can May smart, heart healthy choices!

Hum...now about that cucumber Popsicle....maybe not...

Here's to your heart!

Thank You

Life is such an interesting journey. We meet people everyday. Some will be there forever yet some will leave. No matter what, everyone who enters our lives was put there for a reason. I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for all those that have entered mine who impacted it in such a positive way. I am so blessed for the friends, family and true love that is in my life.

THANK YOU

My heart truth

Thank you for my heart!

I was honored to receive another Ambassador award from the American Heart Association! Forever blessed! They saved my life! 

Give back! www.heart.org