Social media AND THE MEDIA has brought awareness to some pretty important issues lately. Issues that some deemed a "hush" topic are now being talked about. Its frightening to me the reality of what happens in life and like so many others it happened to me. My first "love" I met in Florida. I was a virgin until I was 21 and he was the "one". Oh that night was oh so romantic, it involved a couch and lettuce from Subway hanging from his mouth afterwards so not exactly the fairytale. It was more like do it or I'm leaving so I did it. "It" I'm not sure what "it" was but "it" was just bad. Having waiting for the one I would have hoped the setting would have been better but no. Ok so my lack of judgment did not stop there. As I have been known to do, I pack my heart and head and moved to Chicago. YEP, I chased a man and suddenly we were living together. He was in a Frat in college and killed a cat and had hit a previous girlfriend so I knew he had anger issue but "of course never with me". A few examples of our love story included an accident that involved a screw under my left eye from hitting the back of exercise machine, got stitches, head hit a walk, knocked out cold not lift my leg for a few days and still have some issues, aggravates a limp and the big one. We got pregnant. I hate to use the term WE but it does take two.
I don't like to use names but I'll call him "DICK" as it is his "sir name". He is from Wilmette, Illinois. He kicked it out of me by my hair my heart my soul. One time after just for putting a book down too hard he dragged me out of the house by my hair. He was a charmer.
I have never shared this story before but a few doctors, friends and family know but in light of recent events domestic violence is not acceptable. I just had lunch with my amazing friend from 20 years ago who referenced the media and the court cases and my strength. He said, you out of all people I would have never thought would have stayed with him and you kept going back even when I was there. Why? I answered truthfully, I really didn't think I was worth anything more and no one offered to help. Everyone looked the other way. He actually came to Chicago and I never asked him for help. I was to....ashamed.
During this time my Mom had her congestive heart failure and valve replacement. I had no idea until I was hospitalized that my Mom was too.
I was in the hospital due to infection for weeks due to the loss and abuse. It was a very lonely time.
I can't fully remember the night but the skyline and I just tried to go to sleep when I tried to take my own life.
I woke up at Northwestern Memorial and spent some quality time there.
My Dad sent me some money to get back home to Florida and when I got back to the home I packed the car and started over.
Its ok to start over.
On the way down I blew a tire so arrived a mess. I had short black hair, lost all faith had nothing and started over. They loved me. I know they love me.
Violence of any kind is NOT right. PLEASE ask for help. DON'T be a victim. I promise you are not alone. Its taken me 20 years to share my story. WHY?
Don't be my kind of stupid.
2 comments:
I am SO PROUD of you, Deanna! You are a survivor, strong and thriving, in every sense of the word! God has a special calling on your life and I am so proud to watch you answer it. You have been a light for many for so long and to see you continue to grow, just like the flower you never gave up on, is such a miracle. If I can ever be of assistance, I am in your corner... love you!
I left another message last night fir some reason it didn't post. Just wanted to applauded you for taking a stand on a epidemic that a lot of people still don't want to deal with or acknowledge. We are taking a stand to right the wrongs that have been done to us.To let the lost see that they can be found. I am to a survivor of Domestic Violence & Sexual Abuse .I escaped death at the hands of my abuser and I'm glad to be here along with my fellow advocates to tell about it! Thanks for your transparency:)))) Rene' Michelle
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