Throughout the years I have learned that everyone has a story, a reason, a purpose. They can be big or small but in someway we all impact someone. Yes, there are bad situations but I think so many more good impacts. When I was in high school and college, I used to volunteer at nursing homes. I so admire ANYONE who works in geriatrics because it is tough. Emotionally and physically. What that time taught me was to listen and you just might hear some amazing stories.
Over the years I have continued to listen and not disregard someone because their story is theirs and judge not for shoes you have not walked in. In pageants, especially platform based pageants, you really come to realize how much people are impacted by life and this creates their stories. There are so many heartbreaking illnesses that it truly can shape a person and also life events such as tragedy or abuse. I often think abuse is over looked because it is uncomfortable. It's embarrassing to live through it and uncomfortable for people who have never lived through it to talk about it. It always makes people question your choices or how or why did you put yourself, or keep yourself in those situations.
I was fortunate to meet a wonderful and amazing lady named Laquisha Hall at the Mrs Maryland pageant about 5 years ago. She was not only brave enough to share her story but it was also her platform. It struck me in a way that yes, I felt uncomfortable because I just want to "fix" it but also because I related to it on many levels...which made me feel more uncomfortable. I think it would surprise some people to find out how many people go through abuse either in the hands of strangers or in the hands of someone you know and love. It's about control and it is terrifying.
It's hard to explain my childhood. I really don't remember a lot of it. We moved a lot and there was always tension at the house. I was always academically inclined but I spent a lot of time isolated. This is why skating became my escape. If I could hear the music, it was a peacefulness and beautiful place. I dreamed of getting out, sleeping trough the night and not under the bed and just hearing that music everyday. I ran away 6 times in high school. My friend and I drove from Florida to Canada. Yep, Canada. I was not promiscuous and did not do drugs, I just wanted peace. Because I was academically inclined I mange to graduate HS on time after missing so much time ( I was in honors classes and had some pretty amazing teachers).
I try to shut a lot of it out but the reality is that my past makes me who I am. I don't want to relive it, cast blame or victimize myself but it was my reality. It's always interesting to me that the man I was the most afraid of is also the one that encouraged my dreams. He was a dreamer too. This was the level we connected on.
We were watching " Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" one day and they had a segment of the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. He dared me to audition. I applied and audition and much to my complete surprise was excepted. I think I watched Fame and flash dance way to many times. Throw in some Dirty Dancing and you can see were my head was.
He gave me a lot of independence but yet controlled. I had a lovely Ford Escort Wagon, yes a very sexy car, as I embarked on driving from Florida to California by myself to chase the dream. My car was pretty full but not organized and I had enough money for a few hotels and enough tuna cans for food. Let the dream begin.
Florida is a long state, period. Even from Tampa its 6 hours to the state line especially when getting on 10. I drove with my cassette tapes blaring and my hopes of Hollywood. I have always been a drinker and no not always alcohol:) but diet coke so I always have to go to the bathroom. I have been checked time and time but you will rarely see me without a beverage in my hand. Another story for another day but my Dad once left me on 20 while driving to Arizona because I had to make another stop. Hey when you have to go you have to go!
I stopped at a rest stop in Louisiana. It was not really populated but my Grandpa was a truck driver and I just was never afraid of stops. I still remember what I was wearing. I remember the glasses. I came out and there was a white car blocking mine in. He presented himself as a cop. He was dressed the part.
He started asking me questions and said there was some drug thing so he had to search my car. He opened up my back door and my pink bunny fell out. My parents when I was younger had given me a pink bunny and a teddy bear. To this day, they are in my car everyday. I don't recall a lot of what happened. I survived and I don't know why. He was put to death in 2006.
I just blocked so much of this until last year. I had a neighbor who took advantage of a situation while my husband was deployed and I had a friend in distress. I had truly forgotten of sorts but just made me a mess. Andy was called in Afghanistan because of the attack and I just feel I was too liberal in my allowing him in my home to help her.
I was a mess last year but I allowed myself that luxury. Shame on me.
NO ONE should ever make you feel the victim, or take away who you are or who you will be. If they do, they win and frankly its about control. I could not over power but I survived. If you allow yourself to be the victim, they win. Be you and never apologize for what you cant control and embrace what you can. Be the rose. We all will find our time to bloom. Thank you Laquisha for giving me the courage to share.
