What a nice surprise and honor! THANK YOU!

I've been a little down and this was such a nice honor!

New beginnings.....right!

My heart truth~

DL

What is my why?

http://youtu.be/Vo0S1DwMMEk

My Heart Truth!

DL

My First Video Blog Post!

My heart truth~ DL

I never understood FAKING?

I questioned posting this and I won't say a name but I judged someone recently who I believe may have "buffered" their paperwork. I say this because I have been accused of faking a heart attack, yet I have a stents, lost my parents and carry a card that has their locations and last I checked the AHA or Adventist would not have lied for the sake of me winning a pageant. Trust me, they fact check before they print anything and my cardiologist and I have spoken at many events, Dr Michael Chen MD; however; for the first time I got it. I was looking at her paperwork and it said she had a heart attack. She was Go Red. She was also military. Immediately, I was on her side and I wanted to know more. I have been employed by the AHA and also a survivor so when I see "model" on the paperwork, well we aren't models. We are survivors. (Ambassadors and Advocates) I am not a cardiologist. My surgeries were done through my groin. I asked her in a panel interview to share her story. She pointed to her shoulder and said she had a scar. I asked her if she followed the simple 7 and she said she had her own. Clearly no clue what I was referring too.

Her interview went well beyond me and it was panel but it did make me understand why people (or some ) think some "fake things". Where is my scar?

My parents both had valve replacements. I have had two stents surgeries and both through the femoral artery(leg). Mine were the left anterior descending artery and yes in your thirties was very rare. We don't know why but genetics. My parents passed at 54 and 56 and contrary to belief I have siblings and they both are pretty thin but I think (ok I know my Brother smokes) but I don't and never have. I think we all suffer from stress but I am pretty sure we all do. My Brother however today, yesterday and tomorrow although we will disagree on things until the day I die is an amazing man, FATHER, TALENT (I WISH I HAD) and huge pain in my butt...but better then he knows he is. Moving on.

Pageants are fun, they are a gift to lighten the mood. They give back when you cry yet you see in others your darkest moments and why its so important to give back. I see champions, heroes, Mothers, wives, survivors.  Make fun if you will but ANYTHING that makes you want to be a better tomorrow, never apologize for. They create smiles, dreams and hopes. They are a sport. They are a reality and frankly something pretty special if you view them in the right light.

ALTHOUGH, NEVER LIE. NEVER LIE. There was a lady who was boxing for a cause that I fell in love with. Why, because she was real. Never lie because someone on that panel may have walked in those shoes. Always be true to who you are. Be to true to your story and never try and be any more or any less. Just be real. Be honest.

I learned a long time ago that those that love you will love you for who you are and who you were meant to be and if someone walks away or its not your moment, it may not be about YOU. Life is not about YOU.

Just be real....when its your moment, your time, it just will be.

My heart truth~

Everyone is EXQUISITE!



 I had a great day judging the Exquisite International Pageants. Its so hard to put yourself out there and there were ladies from all over the world that made the journey. No one was less or more worthy it was just a moment in time and frankly after interviewing them all I had no clue. They we all just so amazing.

Congrats to all of the new title holders but to those whose did not "win"  (there are no not winners) , continue on your journey!

You all amazed me. Truly. You should be so proud. I was so proud for you.



My heart truth~

Teachers, the DREAM makers!

Who do you want to be? What is your dream? You are allowed to have one. Growing up I skated. EVERYDAY. OH I had OLYMPIC  dreams but never the fortitude or geography...ok skill. I mean we  see all these chances at something , what is your something? I am still chasing. Maybe that is the pageant girl in me, the reality star is someone else or the karaoke junkie at your local bar but we all have a dream. The one thing life has definitely taught me is that life is far to short and we also cut ourselves to short. We tend to doubt ourselves way before we even allow others to doubt us then stand in disbelief when they do.

I think where I have always found strength is in the belief that there is always a brighter day and 15 more minutes to gain. I have to because giving up or giving in just is not part of who I am or the example of who I want to be. I see hero's everyday and blessings everyday but I think the people we forget sometimes are the people that helped to shape up. The people that built us. These are not just family members but TEACHERS.

School is starting back and I can't help but reflect on new beginnings, lessons learned, how dreams begin, stories I read, stories I shared and people who believed in me. My son is starting Kindergarten and I am just so blessed for all of his pre school teachers and excited for his new beginnings. I love my family and its an exciting time but for my son, its especially exciting because he was not suppose to be here. This is a true milestone having been born at 23 weeks and now he is such a big boy and thriving! God is great.

I wonder sometimes where some of my teachers are from school. I have kept up with a college professor or two but I don't know so much about my younger years. I am sure they might have a story or two to tell. 

So to Mr Wilcox, Dr  Bonnie Jeffries, Mrs Parker and all my other amazing teachers....I AM SORRY and THANK YOU! To all the TEACHERS out there...THANK YOU!

To all the parents out there......hey they were not born with an owners manual. We are doing ok!

My heart truth~

Seeing the light. My new journey.

Its just been that kind of time. We all have them. Up and downs and a bunch of craziness. I am a swirl. I have found myself so dark so many times I forgot to find the light, to see the light and there and has been so much. I wish somebody would say , "Hey Deanna, how are you?" I think people just think I am made of stone, I don't know.

I've decided to start the positive and ONLY positive  journey and to look at the world through not what it has taken but what it has given. What better place to start then people, place and destinations so that pretty much leaves me with a lot to talk about for a while since I have been blessed to travel to 22 countries, meet millions of peoples and have so many amazing experiences.

First up??????

My heart truth~

My top 10 or 12 or 15 of what not to do!

I have received some personal feedback lately as to my experience, ok, vast experience in the wonderful world of pageantry and some does equate to life. I have met some non pageant just mean people in my personal life so I think unfortunately reality sometimes just shines a light on a "hobby", yes a hobby or sport if you will when in fact there are "meanies' in all aspects of our lives. People shun their own children, don't open doors for a stranger or take someone down in the work place. Lets not blame it on a crown in sash because on the opposite side I have made some amazing TRUE friends because I have put myself out there. That alone makes it worth it to me.

I have never owned, run operated, press operated , moderated  etc ect any sort of social media VOY board but boy over the years have I been accused of owning them all. We can add that to my fake heart attack, fake births, fake strokes....heck....why although I can't seem to win a pageant I have not won an Oscar by now who knows?

Here is my top of not what to do:

1. Don't wear your heart like its your end all be all. People will take it from you in EVERY walk of life. If you allow yourself to be a victim, guess what...ding ding ding....you are one and they will then call you a victim and the circle just comes back to bite you.

2. Time. When is it your time? Relationship? Job? Pageant? Dream? Some we have no control of. We age out. Some well, they age out of us. We become to old for them. Its not that we aren't as good or as passionate but there is a new wave and our time is gone. Don't take that as a bad thing. I have been told you are too fat, too skinny, aren't worth the air I breathe (forever my recent favorite), you are nothing, your too nice, too kind, too sensitive....TOOOOOOOOOO everything yet you are NOTHING. Yes, told that too even in actions. You know what I say, because this is my blog F*** them. You really don't know me at all because you are just TOO STUPID too know that.

3. SHUT UP. Seems Clear. Seems OBVIOUS. Don't call, text, tweet, post your new or old BFF or boyfriend. Geez, don't add vino into the mix. Have you not seen Game of Crowns? These people are not your friends especially pre and post pageant week. Back away from social media. BACK AWAYYYYYYYYY.........

4. Pageant suggested vendors. This is tricky for me because I have been hurt/stung but I would still recommend them. This is where you need not be so sensitive and keep your business hat on. Just remember everyone talks. Again. get your job done and keep your mouth shut and opinion to yourself. They actually are pretty amazing. If you want the best, use the best and that is all.

5. DRAMA. Who the heck likes drama? No one likes drama and I am sorry but it will hurt you. Refer to all of the above and I have done them and taken myself down. I literally had someone tell me they hate me AT A PAGEANT, ON STAFF. LIE BETTER...I knew she did but could you not fake it.... at least fake it a bit more? Maybe we girls are better at faking it? Seriously. Don't cry, don't do anything. Put your big girl panties on and walk away.

6. Don't buy into hype, theories or conspiracies. Geez. I was still hated and went for it. There is one winner. Period. There is always ONE winner. Period. ONE MVP. PERIOD. Sucks for the rest of us but much like my lottery ticket, I just say ok and move on.

7. Don't ever doubt yourself . Why? If you walked into a job interview, had a bad date, a bad one night stand, a bad panel interview, would you care if YOU walked away? Never let anyone else determine your self worth!

8. Don't ask why...a lesson is learned in every thing. A moment of time does not define you. Time determines who you are meant to be. Treasure it.

9.Don't ever stop believing.

10. Platform. This is interesting and ALWAYS a debate. Platform pageant verses beauty pageant? OK, its a pageant. Do they really want an ugly queen? Honestly? LOOK the part!!!! It does not mean you need hair extensions or plastic surgery just look the part. Honestly the platform, in my humble opinion is to show you have two stones in your head during your year of reign. Different judges ask different things. I had two judges this year that cared more about my dogs and Karaoke then my work with the American Heart Association. Karaoke could have been my platform for all they new. 99% of the work I have done with the AHA/ASA has been without a crown. As a survivor I find that to share my story and to advocate I have not needed the crown because I have worked directly with the affiliate and hospitals. Where I do find the crown beneficial is for the kids. Every USO event, dance, Gala...anything a queen might attend and create a smile. Lets be honest, know your platform, know your charity but a true person committed to a cause for the right reason its not about the snap shot. Its about the job. What NOT TO DO is be the SNAP SHOT QUEEN. That is one thing I HAVE NEVER BEEN but I have seen a lot of that. Don't BS a judge also. A non profit IS NOT GOING TO FLY YOU EVERYWHERE TO RAISE AWARENESS. Why, THEY NEED THE MONEY FOR THE CAUSE! That's YOUR JOB!

12. MOST IMPORTANT....DON'T EVER STOP DREAMING!

13. And final...and the truth...people aren't there for YOU. This may be harsh but they are not and you must own it. There is no prince to save you, no fairy god mother to grant you your wish and no fairy dust. Life just does not work that way. People are going to hate you. People are going to walk away. People will be richer, skinnier, prettier, come from better families, have "lived" their platforms, be more fit, walked on water....GET OVER IT! People have stories and can cry on cue. People walk away much the same. YOU CAN ONLY OWN YOU. YOU CAN ONLY BE YOU. PEOPLE CAN ONLY LIKE YOU or vice versa. Just be you. If you spend so much time and money trying to figure out who you should be you might forget who you are. I did.



My HEART TRUTH~

The heat of the moment

Have you ever put yourself in a situation that you new the outcome but you also new you needed to do it anyway? This was me last week. It really had nothing to do with the outcome of the event but it was really just about me and a few players in the magical world of pageantry. I do want to say that before I post this, whether I was there or not, the outcome would have been the same and I am so proud of all the ladies. Let me tell you, it's not easy to throw yourself on a stage or in a room and give your heart and soul in front of those who love you, which is really at the end of the day is what hurts us most yet they don't care at all because they love us. This was just my journey alone. I want address a few issues, questions and debates.

I came in this year knowing I was not liked by a few important people. The names will be nameless because at this point why but they made it clear through text, emails, FB and friends that it was my " what 8th try and I mean nothing and the judges will know". Yes, I still have all those lovely text and emails. I was also accused of things after last years pageants that were not true and yet begged, cried....begged and was told ...oh I am sure that was hard for you but I won't be your friend you aren't worth the air I breath when in fact someone who was in the dressing room confirmed I never said anything to the fact. Ok so I new all the hate walking in this year and the week was humbling.  Bring it to prelim night...I felt amazing...did amazing and was greeted by a staff member in the restaurant who told me to my face in front of a TABLE of people that he wanted to continue to hate me but he thought I looked beautiful on stage that night. I asked for a hug and walked away. When I walked away after so many people heard what some had denied all week, I wanted to run back and say....ahhh thanks....that must have been so hard for you.

When I did not make finals I ran into him and the I shall not say her name and they were so proud they had had taken me down. Like two vultures. I just smiled because they did not because I stood up in front of them and walked across that stage with pride.

You can never take the soul of a person who does not want to be taken. There is something to be gained in ever journey and something to be won in every loss

Heart healthy and culinary school?

I have to admit, learning to become a chef does not always fall hand in hand with heart health. I struggle with this everyday. I am addicted to cook books and yet I am determined to find a way to figure out the balance. Honestly, that is the true key. BALANCE! I am not a butter buyer or a salt user because processed foods have so much sodium in them. Sodium has so many negative health effects so it's important to stay on top of your sodium intake. With all of that being said, I was thinking about how we disguise good food or at least food that is good for you so that people want to eat it. We do it for kids all the time. In fact there is practically a whole industry dedicated to it. Pasta made of veggies. Chips made of veggies. Ice cream made of fruit. Punch made of fruit. Candy made of fruit. Etc etc. So it got me thinking. At the AHA we have the teaching Gardens which I love but not everyone has their own garden or has access to one and the idea is to get children engaged in healthy eating choices and making those choices fun. Why not try the reverse? I am so saying this in jest....maybe we should make a potatoe chip shaped like a carrot or a Popsicle shaped like a cucumber?  It might get kids used to eating more veggies! ( kidding)

Making smart, healthy choices is important everyday!

Heart health and moderation go hand in hand and I for one am having some fun with it!

Check out the latest blog on www.heart.org to learn more about sodium and other ways you can May smart, heart healthy choices!

Hum...now about that cucumber Popsicle....maybe not...

Here's to your heart!

Thank You

Life is such an interesting journey. We meet people everyday. Some will be there forever yet some will leave. No matter what, everyone who enters our lives was put there for a reason. I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for all those that have entered mine who impacted it in such a positive way. I am so blessed for the friends, family and true love that is in my life.

THANK YOU

My heart truth

Thank you for my heart!

I was honored to receive another Ambassador award from the American Heart Association! Forever blessed! They saved my life! 

Give back! www.heart.org 

239th Army Birthday Ball!

What a great night it was! Ok, being a pageant lady, I was so happy to see SGT Theresa Vail as one of the emcees. She was Miss Kansas America 2013 and made top 10 at Miss America and rocked it but last night she was just who she said she was when she competed at Miss America. Service first and it showed. Just a big kudos for truly walking the walk.

The show was great an extremely entertaining. The Soldiers Chorus, US Army Soldiers Show and ALL of the speakers were engaging. The sacrifices, the service, the loyalty, I was in a room of heroes and just humbled to be there.

So the Secretary of the Army gave the best speech ever. He said he met a lady and asked why she joined the Army. She said that her Father said if you want to learn the most, have a future, get a great education and thrive (not verbatim but you get the drift:) you should go into the Army. He asked her, what does your Dad do? She replied, He's in the Navy.

Go Army, Beat Navy!

My heart truth~

Lawyers Have Heart 10K/5K/Walk/Run

I have to admit that waking up at 4 am on a Saturday morning can be rough. As my alarm went off I was reminded that I needed to get up and start my Saturday off by doing something good. So I put my big girl pants on (aka workout wear) and headed to Georgetown to help out with the American Heart Associations Lawyers Have Heart 10K/5K/ run walk event. I parked at the Kennedy Center and headed over. I was accompanied by a Lawyer who was also heading to the race and he shared his story. He too was a survivor and had made many changes to his lifestyle. A partner at his firm has passed recently so there were 60 participants from his firm alone involved with the race. I really don't think we could have asked for better weather and the walk from the Kennedy Center to the event site was picturesque along the water way. You could sense the hustle and bustle and I loved seeing all the team shirts.

I arrived and starting helping out. There are some seriously dedicated volunteers and advocates so it was great to see so many familiar faces amongst the crowd of 10000 plus. Lawyers Have Heart is the largest run/walk in the Greater Washington Region. I had fun handing out medals and was so impressed by the commitment of so many runners. The winner came in in under 16 minutes and not far behind him was a little man who was FOUR who RAN the 10K. It stole my heart for sure and one of my favorite medal moments. There were families, firms, dogs (I did medal them too:) and all for the amazing cause of saving lives with the American Heart Association.

I am glad I got out of bed!

Do Lawyers Have Heart!

They absolutely do! I am looking forward to helping out with the Lawyers Have Heart run/ walk again this year. (Last year I was honored to sing the National Anthem.) Its going to be a beautiful day for an amazing cause! Its not to late to get involved! www.lawyershaveheartDC.org. (psst...you don't have to be a lawyer to participate!)

Lawyers Have Heart 10K, 5K & Fun Walk
	Saturday, June 14, 2014 --- Washington Harbour at Georgetown 10K 7:30a / 5K 7:00a / Fun Walk 7:45a RRCA Regional 10K Championship   My heart truth~

The greatest man I never knew

Its hard to believe its been 14 years. It seems like yesterday. I got the message. Then, they gave families a beeper and mine went off a lot. My Dad cut his fingers off and drove himself to the hospital a year prior but with his heart, it just gave out. It was a two week journey from admittance and he never woke up. They put him in a self induced coma because he extubated himself at admittance. My Dad was so stubborn. I knew he loved me but he was such a workaholic,  dreamer but he pushed me in the best way he could.

I got the beeper and was first to arrive. I was there everday but it was late. When I got there after driving across the wrong bridge because I was so lost in heart (we lived in Florida), I just sat there with his blood gasses dropping and there was nothing they could do. My heart died that night. He was buried on July 13.  He was 54. He passed on June 7, 2000 at 11:18pm.

I took my last breath of faith on June 2 when I walked outside and thought he would be ok. After his heart surgery, I truly thought he would be.

To my Father~ Harold Thomas Pemberton~

I wanted to share this article from the American Heart Association. My sister is a breast cancer survivor and my Grandmother is currently undergoing chemo for stomach and ovarian cancer after a previous battle with colon cancer and heart surgery. People often don't realize that unfortunately cancer treatment effects your heart.

Many breast cancer patients don’t get heart problems treated

Published: 3:51 pm CDT, June 3, 2014

Only a third of older breast cancer patients saw a cardiologist within 90 days of developing heart problems, in a study presented at the American Heart Association’s Quality of Care and Outcomes Research 2014 Scientific Sessions.
Breast cancer patients with heart problems who saw a cardiologist were more likely to receive standard heart failure therapy than those who did not see a heart specialist, the study found.
“The majority of older women who develop heart problems after their breast cancer therapy aren’t treated by a cardiologist, and they had lower quality of care,” said Jersey Chen, M.D., M.P.H., lead author of the study and a research scientist and cardiologist at Kaiser Permanente in Rockville, Maryland. “This suggests that this is an important area for oncologists and cardiologists to collaborate.”
Researchers used Medicare data to identify women older than 65  who were diagnosed in 2000-09 with stage I-III breast cancer and received cancer treatments previously linked to heart problems. They tracked which patients developed cardiomyopathy or heart failure.
Cardiomyopathy is when the heart becomes weak and has trouble pumping blood. Heart failure occurs when the weakened heart causes symptoms such as fatigue and shortness of breath.
Among breast cancer patients identified, 1,028 developed heart problems within three years of receiving chemotherapy drugs called anthracyclines or a targeted therapy called trastuzumab. Thirty-four percent of them saw a cardiologist within 90 days of their heart diagnosis. Women with heart failure after cancer treatment were more likely to be treated with standard medications if seen by a cardiologist compared to those who did not see a cardiologist, said researchers.
“The bottom line is, if you have breast cancer and you’re treated with anthracyclines or trastuzumab, you should know they have side effects,” Chen said. “And if you have symptoms of heart problems like shortness of breath or swelling in the feet or legs, seek attention quickly, preferably with doctors familiar and comfortable with treating heart failure after cancer therapy.”
“Many cancer patients who develop heart failure or cardiomyopathy aren’t getting the necessary medications, regardless of whether they’re seen by cardiologists,” he said. “So there is work to be done to improve care for all women with cardiac complications after cancer therapy.”
Using Medicare prescription plan data from 2006-11, researchers found that 60 percent of patients with heart problems who saw a cardiologist received ACE inhibitors or angiotensin receptor blockers, versus 44 percent of those who didn’t. For beta-blockers, the figures were 40 percent versus 24 percent. Those drugs are the mainstay of treatment for heart failure, Chen said.
People with other cancers — especially if they are older or have many other health problems — should also be watchful for heart symptoms if they receive anthracyclines or trastuzumab, Chen said.

To learn more log onto www.heart.org

My heart truth~

A card carrier.....

I was going through things in storage yesterday and ran across my Dad's St Jude valve card. It was ironic because it was June 2 that he had the surgery. My Mom had one too and I always thought it was strange. Hers  read like a warranty card. I now carry one too. I actually carry it in front of my license figuring hey if I go down, they should know about my heart before my name:)

Cardiovascular disease remains the number one killer yet we can't see it from the outside. I have a friend who told me they found his Brother in his 50's in bed. He went to sleep and just never woke up. That's how silent it can be.

You're the Cure, an initiative by the American Heart Association, makes huge strides in the political venues on change. The work that is done with our schools, CPR, AED and many many health initiatives truly saves life's. Its so important to get involved. The life you save may be your own.

www.yourethecure.org

www.heart.org

My heart truth~

Special Hero

Like all of us, we have bad weeks. I have amazing friends who keep me in check. You know there are always people who wont be there and there is always a story. I have worked with the Armed Forces Foundation and the American Heart Association for a long time and also the March of Dimes. We lived in the NICU for 165 days and for the first few years of my son's life, we worried what day would be his last. It was a very scary and dark time. I am living with heart disease and surgeries and lost my parents to Cardiovascular Disease far too young. I have a great friend, thank you Trinity, for giving me the fresh kick I needed. The "I" gets exhausting so I certainly would not want to hear about it. This week I started to really look at the we in society. You can not compare one journey to the other but what about our military? Its easy to forget what happens everyday to military families. The VA and medical care? Don't get me started on recent medical reports in the news. I remember when Andy got back from his second deployment he checked a website every night to see if any of his friends passed. I remember when they did. I did not live it  but as a spouse, I remember the call ironically on Fathers Day telling me they had been hit by an IED but he was ok. When we lived in Germany, it was a lookout when deployment happened for the men in uniform.

We are at various military hospitals and children's hospital's and as I look around, I am ashamed of myself. I use the "I" too much. The AFF does monthly dinners and there are very young soldiers just trying to understand why. Really reminds me of just how trivial some worries are. There is no why answer. What you are is a hero and the answer is more why am I not incredible as you. Why don't I have your courage and strength? Do you know how incredible you are?

Special children are given to special people and special people need to just own that even if you don't have a village, you are still just that special! I am blessed for my miracles and being in Mommy groups remind me of just how blessed I am.

In a land of words that some people take FARRRRRR to personally and situations that in the big scheme of things, you allow yourself to get to upset about, walk away, tune it out and remember that everyone has a story and a heartache. No one is more important or less important in this world. Its the grace of how you handle the situation that really matters. Don't forget you may have a lot of "I"'s in your world but there are people out that that really struggle everyday to find hope or a reason. Remember the children we are blessed to have and the children who are lost. Remember the heart and cancer stories and the fear that an ailment brings. Remember our military and their families. Remember that some stupid post by rude people are people who are just too wrapped up in "I" and will never change. I have learned that the hard way. That's why they create block buttons and DELETE! Thank you Facebook and ATT!

There is good in the world and I believe that to be true. Continue to focus on the positive and enjoy your journey.

Did you know that saying hi or smiling at a stranger is good for your heart:)))))

Rock on~my heart truth~

Shoe visitation

There aren't many men who will not get this but I visit a pair of shoes. Yes, it sounds weird but when a pair of shoes exceeds a car payment I have to ask myself, really? Probably twice a week I am at Nordstroms. I walk a lot so I browse a lot and there they are , the shoes. There is only one pair left so I was holding out for the sale rack. I mean how many people can be my size and want to sport a 5 inch heel? So weeks have passed and today I went to check on them. They were gone. I have pictures of them like a family member and yet there it was. GONE. Such a sad day in shoe history.

I wonder who is wearing them. Like a Birken bag, I will now. Please don't walk past me! Saturday shoe sadness.

My heart truth-

Can you imagine a child being hungry?

Its hard for me to imagine any child being without food. We all have seen commercials but it happens in our own back doors. I was speaking at a school and one of the teachers told me that she buys box cereal out of her own money to give to her students. It was heart breaking. Many students only have school to supply them with their meals so they spent a lot of their time hungry. Then with holidays, snow breaks and summer some go without enough food daily.

Obesity is a huge problem in America and it might surprise you to realize that poverty plays a huge role in this epidemic. Processed foods are cheaper so that tends to be the "Go To" food when you need to feed a family. This is why I love initiatives like , "The Teaching Gardens" from the American Heart Association and Kidsgardening.org. They help to bring gardens to schools to teach kids about vegetables and bring an element of ownership and fun. Introduction to a healthy life style at a young age benefits us for the rest of our lives.

I have been privileged to be at a few plantings at some schools and the kids are really excited. It helps them to learn about vegetables, Mother Earth and HEART HEALTH!

To learn more or help log on to www.heart.org and/or kidsgardening.org

My heart truth~

Headache, heartbreak or heartburn?

I have behaviors or patterns in my life. I think we all do. I think there is something to the saying to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome.  It's kind of fun to be on a different path in my life. I will admit scary, but fun. I'm different. I am hitting things head on and frankly, neither my health or anything or ANYONE else is going to stand in my way. Living and loving. There will ALWAYS be naysayers. Dreaming on!

I am changing my patterns. Listen,  I may not ever win an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy or Mrs International but I/we will enjoy the journey. You don't get me, believe in me or even care, fine. I will always care. One spot I don't want to change.

I will always care.


My heart truth

Really fresh air

Have you ever noticed that when you are somewhere, anywhere, you can always find someone staring at you. Looking you up and down and peeling you like a rotten banana. It's judgement yet interesting. I mean, don't we all judge? I am currently traveliing to a part of the country that does not sport 6 inch heels so I look like a crazy fool.  You know what they say, the higher the heel the closer to God!

So I was sitting outside this morning and it is beautiful. I could not hear any cars, the grass was so green and I was greeted by a post it on the back door that said , and  I quote, BIG RACOON Outside. What does that even mean? Will the pups be ok? Will it attack me? This also was preceded by the bear has been visiting the bird feeder again. Bear? I am pretty sure my EPI pen will not help me in this trip to the wilderness.

It is truly beautiful.

It's good to stop the music sometimes, kick off my heels and just put my feet in the grass. No bees of course, thus the EPI pen!

Forever blessed   My heart truth

The stranger who walks alone

I think I stare too much. I am always so curious as to someone's story. This may be why I like biographies! I found myself staring/ following a man the other day. I see him all the time. He looks around 80 and always walks, looks, touches with intention but is always alone. I live in a city world so I frequent the same stores, I walk to them, and restaurants. I do love that about the city and it does make people watching fun. I was walking to Starbucks  and he was there yet no coffee in his hand. Same with the grocery store. His intent is clearly to walk and get out but I wondered is he alone? Does he want coffee? Does he people watch too? I have wanted to walk up to him to say hi but that might make me seem odd to him but he seriously makes me wonder about his story.

How many people do we walk past everyday and never say hi? Who do we say hi to but can't take the time to smile? How many people walk with such conviction yet are so alone? We are all heading somewhere but why not smile and say hi?

I don't believe anyone is better then anyone else. Some people just have different opportunities. Why not just smile?

Story tellers, each and every one of us.

My heart truth. 

Chasing Life

As I sit here on this Saturday night and watching , "the Breakfast Club", I am reminded of prom season long ago and how things change and yet some stay the same. Throw back Thursdays remind me of dreams I had and next Thursday may remind me of what I did not accomplish. Lets face it, we all have a little grey in our dreams of youth but we were so inspired to make them happen at some moment in time. Some do and quite often more then you think. My Dad use to say to me that you are an inch away from success and an inch away from failure. Its your move.

I am a dream chaser and much like a storm chaser we take our chances and just pray we survive.

I am in a few groups. Heart and Stroke Survivors and Mothers of Preemies. As I read other stories I am constantly reminded as to how blessed I am. My story is just weird and this week my doctor reminded me of that. I just have bad genes and no one to talk to about it. Its not a martyr, they passed, my parents. Its a fact and much like my Mother, who was adopted, there is a blank page in my life.

It is stroke month and through heart I have met some amazing survivors. Truly humbling. Heart and stroke is so different from other ailments because it does come with a silence and varying outcomes.

I think chasing life is important. I have no clue as to what tomorrow may hold.

I am going to continue to chase life. Why not, what do I have to loose?

My heart truth~

Streets of Heaven

Mothers Day always comes to me with such a bitter sweetness. I miss my Mom but I am also reminded as to how blessed I am to be a Mom. I cannot recap without sounding like a babbling mess but my journey, like many, to be a Mom was challenging. Before my son, Carter, who was born at 23 weeks, we had 4 previous losses and hard one's. Not that any were easy but a few later in term. We spent 165 days in the NICU with Carter and most days were beyond grim. Everyday I doubted myself as they doubted how much milk I could give and talked about in rounds as I was sitting there already feeling nothing but sadness. Every Mother wants to provide. He just came so early my body could not. I also was not able to hold him for 3 months but I was there EVERYDAY and probably annoyed a few people. I always have said to Carter you fight for me I will ALWAYS fight for you. I think every acronym was thrown at us with a level of fact as if it was. I always made them say his name.

I am so blessed for my family, all my children and my life.

My niece Bella Boo is doing well and turned 9. A milestone. She has cardiac vclcad.

An organization I am proud to support is the Lollipop Foundation. They do a lot of amazing work and have a new initiative called, "SMILE, don't STARE". Uniqueness is special and should be embraced but it comes with education and awareness. Someone may not look like you, walk like you or talk like you but they are special and a simple smile is a language EVERYONE understands.

Its our universal language.

My heart truth~

What you don't see

I have had this stated to me you look fine.  I have an acyronym to fine but yes,heart survivors can look fine. Stroke not so much. Society looks at it as a moment in time. Other diseases as much worse.

I will never negate anything and certainly not anyone ailment. Ever family is riddled with Cancer, heart, Alzheimer's. We all pass. The journey is so amazingly tough. We all want a cure. We all want a sanctuary. We all pray for less suffering then those before us.

For me it's heart. My sister is a breast cancer survivor and just beyond amazing. Even with Lois Lane it's heart. Why? Cancer is a day by day horrific horrific disease. Heart does not give you a chance to say goodbye. They both strip you, take from you but I never had a chance to say goodbye. With my parents, I did not.

I am afraid everyday. I had heart surgery and look fine. What you don't see is fear.

Heart disease is the number one killer of men and women. More than all cancers combined. You can't see it. I can't either. I feel fine too. I felt fine.

My hearth truth

Would you know how to save a life?

I think almost everyone has seen a scene in a movie or on a TV show of someone administering CPR. Have you ever asked yourself, would you know how to help save a life? It looks easy enough, right? There is a training for CPR and it is simple to learn and a vital part of how you can help to save a life.

As the world leader in CPR, first aid and emergency cardiovascular care (ECC) training and education, the American Heart Association offers a variety of options for you to learn lifesaving skills. Locate a local training center to become an AHA Instructor or to choose courses for family members and friends, employees, or healthcare providers.

I decided to refresh myself on my CPR knowledge and awareness. There are so many tool available and I there is even an APP!

Remember the key to life is STAYING ALIVE!  www.heart.org !

My Heart Truth~

New music downloads.

Bring it home to me....

I love Sam, Gavin and Martina. Just a song worth sharing.

STROKE month!

The bad thing about heart disease is that it effects every organ and every part of your body. Our bodies are like a bunch of highways and side roads that lead to some major destinations. If there is a road block, it just can't get there! Stroke month starts tomorrow. It is a reminder to me of a lot. My Mother, who had her first stroke in her 30's and my own "events". My history is not that remarkable for someone with CVD except my age. Since both my parents passed in their 50's from Cardiovascular disease , it was family history that hit me the hardest. There was no warning to my heart attack in 2010 and who knew I had the blockage? Then 2011 and 2013 happened. There were warning signs, that even after a heart attack and surgery, I ignored and even worked for heart. I had TIA's. They were just quick moments. Vision, confusion. The morning of my stroke I woke up and got out of bed and started my day as everyday. My vision suddenly just blurred. Of course I thought I was just tired, then my words left. I knew I was speaking yet nothing was making sense. I had all these conversations in my head and my husband just did not understand me. No one did.  I ended up in the ICU and given TPA ( a blood thinner). The scarest thing to me was laying there with what I thought were all my capacities and yet I had none. My husband did act FAST. I do kind of have a funny story and also some words of wisdom too. When the EMT's came they asked him what meds I was on. He responded she takes herbs. You cannot imagine their initial thought. I now have all my meds posted on the side of my frig. My doctor got a good laugh. Heart meds and vitamins. VITAMINS!  Lol.

Educate , advocate and take action FAST!

Learn more. wwww.powertoendstroke.com, www.heart.org, www.strokeassociation.com

My heart truth-

The American Heart Association 30th Annual Golf Event!

This was my 5th year of being involved with this event and each year is more impressive than the last! Kara is the Director for this event and we have worked together at heart and I have know her for a while. She just amazes me each year with her passion for heart and just as a person, period! She also has engaged her hubby, as ever hubby should do, to help out! What a team!

Today was a great day and pretty good weather considering we have no idea if it will be 100 degrees or snowing. That's another topic for another day and Mother Nature probably has more to say!

I am always so proud and so honored to be a part of heart!

The heart truth!

I spy a Cherry Blossum!

I have had such a nice few days filled with family, great friends and a sunburn! I don't welcome a sunburn ever and as a Floridian I could quite possibly be the palest of them all; however, a wonderful VERY LONG walk around Washington, DC was a lot of fun. I did use sunscreen (borrowed it from the kids) yet still...I burned. I have lived and been around DC for a while so this was not my first rodeo but I have noticed that every time you take the tour, you just see so much more. Arlington National Cemetery always humbles me. So many sacrifices for our freedoms. We then went to the WWII, Vietnam and Korean Memorial. We then hit the White House. It was a very packed day and only one of 4 previous days! Every Smithsonian, a Pentagon tour and the air and space museum.  Oh, I forgot, how could I, the LINCOLN!

The great thing is we got a lot of exercise in, a lot of great pictures and yep...I even got to put on my culinary hat complete with veal and pork meatballs and some pretty fun breakfast. The kids were all game and the meatball recipe was a hit! Thank you Chef Anne Burrell!

Tomorrow is the American Heart Association's Golf Tournament. PLEASE Don't rain!

Here's to your heart!

D

Rose colored glasses

I find myself writing then deleting as if someone really knows me will that make me less than what they thought before. I find myself doing exactly what I don't get. The closed door. I look at people and I see perfect because that is what they let me see. Paint a pretty picture and much like I change the channel on a TV, it's so easy to do and is easier to watch.

My life, my history, is unique. I feel like in my darkest hours, God has always been there when I don't know why. I should go to his home more often but I do feel he still loves me when he visits mine.

I was an honoree last night but I was a voice of silence. Please know I was so honored and humbled I just wish others were here too. They should be.  They should have survived. The hands of anyone should never define you and never be allowed to take anything from you.

Laquisha Hall, thank you. SheRose is the rose in you. You shine through. I am beyond blessed to call you a friend. All the honorees are so amazing. True heroes.

She Rose and because of you I always will.

My heart truth-

Do you ever feel less then alone? In a crowded room, who is with you? Who do you see and what do you think they see in you? In the realm of reality we all are victims but who do we choose to be? My reality bites. Check movie credits here.

I keep filtering my dreams. I try to understand them but I really have no clue except my parents are in most of them. Does this mean I am angry? Does this mean they are angry? Does the Long Island medium really have a channel?

Holidays are tough. I know it is said your loved one's are always with you. Just having one of those days that I just feel like I am just laying out there on a platter slightly burned around the edges. It never gets easier....

My heart truth~

 

Sometimes life throws you a few curve balls. Ok, it does all the time but that is what makes it fun. Its really ironic that my newest passion is cooking. I grew up with an eating disorder and threw myself into various career choices and hobbies that judge me on what...weight! I started my career as on-air talent at HSN and we were weighed and measured every month and then it was broadcast on national TV! Talk about a self esteem crusher! I then decided to compete in my first Miss America local and again, I was judged on weight. I remember when I won I was given the great pep talk post pageant of that I needed to change my song, change my gown, get a tan and work on my walk. I remember thinking...how exactly again did I win?

This past year has made me realize a lot and my body basically gave me a good dose of , "hey, you need to make changes, serious changes. SNAP TO IT". We all can talk the talk, walk the walk (literally) but you also need to make really smart healthy choices in what you eat. As I was laying in the hospital last week on pain meds I just had to say enough. Medications and I do not get a long so you need to take control of your body. As a culinary student there are some challenges I do admit. There is not a culinary school that specializes in vegan or clean eating. So I have decided to take what I am learning and modify everything. I have also mastered the art of moderation. Spices are the true key. I tend to like everything a little bit on the spicy side so it works but you can also modify any recipe to the heat you prefer.

I am also becoming addicted to cook books! Yes, most of mine are from the American Heart Association or Rachel Ray but you can find some pretty awesome recipes that really do not take a lot of time to prepare in a very busy world.

I also look for the American Heart Associations health check labels on foods. Studies have shown that those who look for the labels tend to make smarter choices in their diets.

Here is a link to tools that I have found very useful in making those smart, heart healthy choices:

http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/GettingHealthy/GettingHealthy_UCM_001078_SubHomePage.jsp

My heart truth~

American Heart Associations Golf Tournament!

The American Heart Association Golf Tournament is a captain's choice scramble that supports the fight against heart diseases and stroke. Senior level executive leaders from across the metropolitan DC region compete in the tournament. This year, the tournament is dedicated to raising awareness of heart diseases in women and the Go Red for Women campaign. The event day includes a hot breakfast, silent auction, exciting contests, raffle items, and post-event awards dinner. Woodmont Country Club is a private and exclusive club that hosts a U.S. Open sectional qualifier.

I am looking forward to the day! Hope to see you there!

For more information on sponsorship opportunities, please contact Kara Laing,

Director of Development, at 703.248.1745 or kara.laing@heart.org. 

www.ahagolftournament.org

golftournament.org    

A beautiful day is great for the heart!

Have you ever really listened to all of the conversations that go on at Starbucks? Trust me, you don't need to ease drop. Perhaps it's the breeze of the beautiful Spring day ( finally Spring has sprung) but as I am enjoying my veggie wrap and large coffee after a very long week I could not help but hear so many of the conversations. The first thing I notice is the attire. There are a plethora of scrubs and a lot that look like they were so excited to not wear boots that they went straight to full on Summer. I get it, I am from Florida so trust me when I say we do the reverse when it hits 60 degrees. We pull out the puffy coats and light our electric fireplaces.

I do see the appeal of Starbucks. It's like an afternoon happy hour that everyone feels important on their digital devices as they talk, tweet, post and have the ever important conference call. You know, the one that you don't want to admit you are at Starbucks on the call yet speak so loudly that everyone around you concludes that you must be important. After all, we all did just over pay so we could use words like caramel makeoto, vente latte and cafe anything. Really we should be looking at the calories of some of the beverages! Ouch!

Everything in moderation though. Sometimes it's just nice to sit outside, with a nice cup of coffee and appreciate the day. Have a blessed day!

My heart truth-

A must read on Women's health and heart disease!

Take a Stand Against Heart Disease in Women

Childers, Linda

 

Image Tools

When most people think of a heart attack, they think of crushing chest pain–but that isn't always the case. A study published in the February 2012 Journal of the American Medical Association found that many young and middle-aged women who have a heart attack don't experience chest pain.
“Women may have harder-to-recognize symptoms such as pain in the jaw, neck, shoulders or back, sudden trouble breathing and developing a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness,” says Tracy L. Stevens, M.D., a cardiologist at St. Luke's Health System in Kansas City, Mo., and a national spokesperson for the American Heart Association. “Anyone who is having new and persistent symptoms that can't be explained should seek medical attention.”
Stevens says that heart attack symptoms can often be more subtle in women and they may also be quicker to write their symptoms off as an anxiety attack. Indigestion that doesn't respond to antacids, shortness of breath or new or overwhelming fatigue that lasts a week or longer can all be symptoms of a heart attack.
“If you are having new symptoms such as extreme fatigue, don't be tempted to dismiss your symptoms,” Stevens says. “If you suspect you are having a heart attack, especially if you have known cardiac risk factors, it's important to call 9-1-1 [or an emergency response number].”
Stevens says the AHA's Go Red for Women campaign can help make it easier for women to take ownership of their heart health. At goredforwomen.org, women can get heart-healthy meal ideas, read inspirational stories from real women who have overcome heart disease, assess their own heart health risk and learn how to make positive lifestyle changes.
“You have to be proactive about your health and be physically active and make healthy decisions on a daily basis,” says Stevens. She emphasizes the 90/10 rule, noting that it's what you do 90 percent of the time that makes a difference, not 10 percent of the time.
While changing your diet may seem challenging, Stevens says the Go Red for Women website offers many easy, family-friendly recipes that promote fresh fruits, vegetables and fish.
In addition to adhering to a healthy diet, Stevens stresses the importance of being your own health advocate and knowing your cholesterol, blood pressure and blood sugar levels.
“Don't be passive about your health,” she says. “Seventy-two percent of women didn't discuss their heart health at their last doctor's visit. It's important to talk to your doctor about potential cardiac risks and to address those risks before you have a heart attack.”
To be proactive about your heart health, Stevens says to follow these guidelines:

• Stay physically active.
• Laugh.
• Reduce stress.
• Keep your waistline under 35 inches (measure just above the belly button).
• Avoid processed foods

© 2014 by the American Heart Association

M...E.....enough of that!

This past week brought a lot of uncertainty. SHOCKER for me. I guess I am learning to not expect anything but the unexpected. This kind of made me think, in a world where we have no control, what can I truly control? What do I control? What do I OWN, internally speaking? First, my actions. This can be food, lifestyle, personal choices and what comes out of my mouth or fingertips. I don't think anyone can make you be anything you were not already. I think its important to OWN who we are and take action to things that we need to change. I am trying to do that in my lifestyle with my health and in my faith. I admittedly have lost faith at times but never lost hope. I was thinking though that every time I look back at someone else that I should be looking at me. What did I learn? What did I change? What would I change?

ME is a lonely place to be for anyone. It actually should be the acronym for My Ego!

In the world that I have had pity for myself here are some check points:

This week alone:

• 239 Passengers and crew are still missing from the Malaysia flight
• Ft Hood~3 died and 16 wounded this week

Estimated annually:

• Heart disease: 597,689
• Cancer: 574,743
• Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 138,080
• Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 129,476
• Accidents (unintentional injuries): 120,859
• Alzheimer's disease: 83,494
• Diabetes: 69,071
• Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 50,476
• Influenza and Pneumonia: 50,097
• Intentional self-harm (suicide): 38,364

This by no means covers all of the fatalities or sickness or the family struggles and it does not even touch on the day to day survival of life.

Just a check point. Sometimes I just need a dose of reality and need to stop the pity party already! Party for one!

My heart truth~ D

Hairy Days ~ Throw back Thursday!

As a child of the hair generation, well the 90's, you gotta love the hair. I was a principle dancer on a show called "Nite Life". It aired on UHF! We were hoping to be the next generation of solid gold dancers and I was oh so young with so many big dreams. NO I WAS NOT THE SHORTEST! People always go there with this photo! It makes me wonder about so many great artist. What happened to the one hit wonders? I skipped school to watch Paul Young on MTV, Loved INX's and the 1st concert I went to on May 2, 1985 was U2! Howard Jones, Tears for Fears! My greatest was Madonna. She made bad movies and I watched them over and over but she is a great artist.

Its kind of fun to throw back!

Today's The DAY!!!! Time to start moving!

What You Don't See

I have to admit, I can be a Martyr. We all have stories. We all are victims of something. I am a victim of bad choices and bad situations. What I did not see was the good. I have an amazing friend who works with Operation Smile. It made me think a lot. My vision and eyes have been bad for 8 weeks. I took them for granted and they were my best feature. I have been laying in bed crying. Feeling sorry for myself. Am I that person?

You never appreciate those around you or the gifts we are given everyday. Its simplistic in some ways but yet so amazing.

God gives us lessons.

See what's in front of you. If you look behind you will be chasing the wind as it blows by.

My heart truth~

My secret crush on Bobby Flay

He may be my pass but don't we all want to eat what looks good. Lol. I am loving cooking or should I say designing and I think have become addicted to all things food. It's kind of fun. So my Bobby Flay is like Rachel Ray to me.  They can do nothing wrong. Home cook verses Iron Chef. This brings me to my new love. Short ribs. I grew up and as an adult have always thought of ribs as a grill thing. Who would have thought a pressure cooker would be the savior!

As a new cook, dare I say chef...key essentials.

• Patience
• Good knifes
• Food processor not to be confused with a blender
• Pressure cooker
• Iron skillet
• Great spices! 
• Great wines! 
• Treadmill :)

You can do it an be heart healthy. Remember,everything in moderation! 

My heart truth

D

Being a Father~Happy Birthday

My Birthday always comes with so many thoughts. A lot of my Dad. His Birthday was April 1st. I remember the stories of him not wanting me born on the same day. He also shared the day with one of his 4 Brothers. My Mom was adopted and I know that had its burdens. My Dad was a workaholic, smart and with a very strong temper. My Mom did have that too. The Cherokee in her.

When I was 16 I ran away to Canada. It was not a Pat Benatar song but I did kind of feel it. My  Brother and Sister joined the military and I was left alone. It was hard. I ran away to sleep not to sleep with. I did runaway with a girlfriend to Canada. I just wanted to sleep through the night.

My friend and I were in New York when we had to call her parents. 

In 7th grade in Georgia, my parents owned a business with my grandparents. It was like a kick in the night and we moved to Florida. It's was like moving from a big house to small and so vague. We did not get a reason.  We moved a few times in Florida. My siblings had their journeys and all I wanted was to believe in something more. I grew up skating and we could not afford it. When we got to Florida I was smart but so emotional. I was an outcast. 

I try to gain clarity of the men in my life. My Dad drove me in a very stern way. I am blessed for that in so many ways. My Brother is very much the same. Much like  my Grandpa's and Andy, they love me through everything and have never left my side, My Mom was adopted and I times I questioned that myself. It always amazes me when a grown man makes a choice to discard a child. All for ego.

What would you regret? What do you think about? Who do you think about? Would you pick your career over a person? If it were your own? What do you say one day when they knock on your door? Hey, I had great promotions. Hope you were well. Who is that person?

I sang this song for my Dad when I gave up a local Miss America crown

 

There are so many great men and women. Count your blessings and love those in your life.

To my Daddy. Happy Birthday. Your heart gave out but your love never did. You fought for me and I will carry on and fight for you and my family. I miss you so much. You were never an April fool, you were my King and the greatest man I never knew.

Golden wings.

Rainy days on Saturdays always make me smile:)

Being a self proclaimed Floridian, I have always loved the rain. I should clarify, warm rain. It reminds me of the beach and just relaxing days. In Florida, during the summer months we get rain but it passes. They are summer storms that feed the humidity. After this winter, I will not longer allow myself to complain about the heat. If it's warm, I'll take it!

I have been a wake for a while hence a crying child over night and my over crazy thoughts in my head. I did manage to find my glasses in the crib this morning. Guess where I slept last night! Hey who does not love some great cuddle time. I did manage to get some reading in and I am continuing to process the new move. I have to admit, for the first time in a long time I am so excited. Let's just hope my vision is not too cloudy when I look back in the future. It just is going to offer a freshness and it's time!

I have a lot coming up with the American Heart Association which should also be great. With this weather, I am hoping the Celebrity Golf Tournament brings with it some sunshine! We also have Lawyers Have Heart and Hearts Delight Wine Tasting and Auction. I feel so blessed to work with and formally for such a great organization. I am a heart and stroke survivor because of the work the AHA/ASA does. I am happy that my eyes are so much better and I am finally off the treatment as of two days ago. My stomach has been a mess to I welcome the healing process!

On this rainy morning, I am feeling blessed for the love in my life, for the family and friends around me and looking forward to a great week. God has given me a lot of lessons in life. Sometimes it's what that is front of you that can make you great. Let's just avoid the land mines!

My heart truth- d

Has anyone ever written anything for you.........................

Music and cooking are a part of me. Its comfort in art. I have written songs. Expressed songs and lets face it you can come off a but unhinged to some if they are not open to the lyrics, not so much the melody.

When I was young, today is my Birthday, so not feeling so young but I was a journal writer. Before Facebook. I have always loved autobiographies. I have always felt there is something to learn. As a parent, I have learned that even more. Don't we all wish that every child came out with an owners manual. Yep, that's not happening! I spoke with my Grandmother today. She said something I never heard before. If I were your Mother, I would have been better to you. Hurt but I wonder about that. I have always gotten lost in music. It's was skating, writing and just a very sad childhood. They did their best. I have never doubted that but also why I will also fight for my family. Always. No one should ever feel alone in the dark and never a child.

I had an unhinged moment today. First, it was not me but a conversation. It was someone who was cold. It was a Father who wants nothing to do with his child. EVER. He by all rights is impressive but it just makes me so sad. His family is accepting of his behavior and he is not young. How are people dismissed so easily?

This probably is why I write so much. My Brother did too. I hope he still does. There are stories in everyone and yes they can be uncomfortable, martyr like, bitter but there is also happy and blessed.

I can't and won't ever get hurt or hate. I'll do your hair and you will hate me but at the end of the day, I could never hate you.

My hate is missing someone. I miss my parents. I DO HATE THEY ARE NOT HERE. I don't hate them. Just left confused at my lessons but I will get them .

Has anyone ever written a song for you? Even if seems so meaningless to you, listen to the words.

Listen to your heart. Your heart truth.

The Go Red for Women Cookbook!

First and foremost, its not just for Women. I was so excited to receive this edition as a gift from American Heart Association and more excited to cook with it! As a new student of the culinary arts and one who is obsessed with my weight because I battled an eating disorder as a teenager, to me its important to find balance and health. Listen, I will NEVER be the skinniest, tallest, prettiest or richest but I do hope to make some strides in my health. Fairest, I may come close!

I have never found comfort in food. Maybe in a good pair of shoes or a glass of champagne but food to me has been a struggle. Having lived in Europe for many years gave me a unique palette. Cheese to me is the new chocolate. My issue with food is I hate feeling full. So with all the new recipes I am incorporating a lot of veggies and lean meats. Yes I have tried everything but balance is the key.

I have been plummeted with meds because of my heart, eyes etc so I decided to create my own medicine. HEALTHY EATING! Medications and treatments have made me ridiculously sick so on my third day of a medication cleanse, my eyes are not red and I have not purged on anyone. I think the Zoo was my last straw, sorry Joannie! Love you girl.

Purging and a picture of what's for dinner tonight may not be the ultimate post, LOL, but I a having fun with health!

80% of our life health we have control of. 20% is out of our hands with heart. I'm taking control. Its got to be exhausting to hear me complain!

Next up....Lawyers Have Heart 10K. Yep, some of them do!

My heart truth~D

Animalistic time at the ZOO!

Today was such a nice day as we headed to the zoo. It could not have been better weather and all of the kids had a great time! The Smithsonian Zoo in DC is free and offers a lot to see including the Panda's! Yes, I considered buying a Panda hat or two or three! It was a great family day with great friends. Joannie came to visit from Tennessee and Judy from MD. It was also a great way to get some exercise that did not feel like exercise at all! My favorite of the day was a monkey that was just free ranging in the Amazonian exibit.

Blessed for today and everyday

Here's to your heart

Agh no you didn't just say that?

Since 2001, I have been volunteering, advocating, employed by and spokesperson for the American Heart and Stroke Association. It started with me and my Mother and Father. I think I new EVERY hospital in the St.Pete/Clearwater area. In Florida, trust me we have a lot! It was not my story. It was not something that I could fathom. They looked fine. They were parents. They looked like parents. They passed in 2001 and 2006. 54 and 56. WAYYYYY to young and they didn't drink, were not diabetic, not over weight but yes stress, smoking and my Dad's workaholic state put a tremendous amount of stress on their bodies. My Mom's first stroke she was in her 30's. I was too young to remember much at all but I think she , like I, just carried all of her stress with her everyday. We as humans are capsules. We take everything in. Literally we take it to heart. Without going all Deanna drama, my parents were alive when I had my first case of stress from a bad accident.  My Mom had just had valve replacement, I was in the hospital on and off for months in Chicago and it was like arms reaching out with no one there. My Dad was such my savior. He got me home. That was a journey. (Jerry Springer anyone?)

I honestly never thought, hey, I have heart disease...hello???? What does that mean?

So fast forward and yep, here I am in 2014 after stent placement, 2 surgeries in my LAD and speaking about heart disease in women. Difference is, I am a Mother so maybe I was listening this time. So I am doing an interview at NBC Washington which was just a great experience BUT the cardiologist sitting next to me on air stated the longevity after stent placement was 2-5 years. I was in the middle but I swear you could have seen me doing the math in my head followed by HELLO I AM RIGHT HERE! My first surgery was done in 2010 and then in 2013. Does it just close? What does that mean? Is there not a detour here sign?

My other Mother Judy texted me today to remind me its our Birthday month. Oh no, its happening, I'm 29 again and she better stick around too!

What am I truly doing for my health? What am I repeating? How do I change? What am I changing? Lifestyle choices. What can't I change history. What I don't want to repeat, history.

Here's to your heart~

D

My Brother rocks. Let's not tell him.

Families are tough. We don't pick them, they just are. That always comes with challenges. My family comes with so much grey it's hard to see black and white. I don't and will never get some of the separation that had nothing to do with my siblings or I and my Mom's family is and will always be a question. I hate that for my children. Antkowiak and Lee. That's all I have.

I have never been perfect and continue the reign but gain great strength from my brother Todd. I can't fully explain our relationship but so blessed for his choices in life ( Lois, Danni and Benjamin) and he walked me down the isle and held me with a stupid fake turtle and hung with me on Easter mornings. He can play any instrument and yet can't read music. He is amazing on so many levels and paints or use to without fear and writes with such passion. I could not be more proud of anyone in my life more than my Brother Todd. You have no idea how special you are. I love you. You are just so talented, humble and loved. Thank you for always be there for me.

National Walking Day!

Its funny, whenever I am sad, sick, tired or just having a blah day, the one thing that ALWAYS makes me feel better is WALKING! Walking just 30 minutes 5 days a week can make a huge difference in your overall health! The American Heart Association's NATIONAL walking Day is April 2, 2014! Its a perfect time to start walking!

Time to go by those new walking shoes and get moving!

Here's to your heart!

D

Heart Disease Facts (www.healthline.com) . What are you doing for your heart today?