Judgment is hard. Its hard to receive but yet so free to be given. I see it everyday. It was hard for me to accept that I have a child with special needs. As I compare, even as a Mother, its hard not to sit back and judge myself. What did I do? How did I cause this? The worst for me is what others think or say. Its been hard and I wont lie. I sit back and look at other children, including my own, and just wonder why. With Carter it was 165 days in the NICU and 3 years of question with his chronic lung disease and Cerebral Palsy. He is still gtube fed but is eating. This has to do with his lungs but after 3 years of not being allowed to eat, eating has also become a challenge. I wish I had this problem.
Carter turned five on January 2nd and pardon the crazy Mom bragging but is amazing. He breathes room air, is physically beautiful and can trash my house with the best of any 5 year old. He is truly amazing.
This brings me to judgment. I am somewhat jaded because we fought so hard for Carter after 4 previous losses. I use to walk in the mall with him and have STRANGERS question why he still has a binky or may have been leaning over to one side. (he does not do this anymore) However, I just reflected back on an amazing person in my life when I wanted to yell at them and say, "YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE". I did want to follow up with some creative vocalizations but people can and have been stupid. They look, they judge, they assume. Yes, on any given Sunday, I have had my babies in a bar:) Football and we walk but sometime you just need to take a walk.
The one thing I always say to my son is that you may have some disabilities but you are far from disabled. I will always believe and never judge. After all, you don't know his life.
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