I have to admit this past week has been mentally tough on me. I guess I learned a few things, don't ask if you don't want the answer and secondly, do ask if you really want the answer. I have been CONSUMED with my weight since being told to DROP SOME POUNDS. The good is I DO think it reminded me again of healthy choices. Yesterday I ate avocado, tangerines, pickles and filet. The bad is it brought me back to a place that I hate the mirror, have been having strange dreams and I am once again an internal teenager fighting the demons of weight. My stomach is a mess. Ranitidine and Phenergan have become my daily salvations and I am just feeling awful.
This brings me to what we allow others to do to us. I bought some new jeans, a size 4 and they were falling off of me on Friday yet I can't look in the mirror without just feeling ugly and fat. I know its hard for some to understand and some will get it which is why I am sharing. Its not always "what" you say. If you are asked a question or are dealing with a situation you don't want to deal with, be honest. I respect that. Most people WILL respect that. Its all in the delivery. Words hurt, silence can hurt. Its delivery. Her opinion for me to drop some pounds in a pageant world may be 1000% true but it was all in the delivery of the conversation. Honestly, I try to be "heart healthy" most days so I battle with getting back to a zero (I guess my perfect pageant weight but I have since given birth so that ain't happening again unless I have a rib removed). My chest area alone is built like a Volkswagen so I am sturdy but again it is all in the delivery.
Words hurt and linger. I am quite sure I am not, not at fault in my life but I am learning to "think" before I speak and remember that the words you say (or post) can last a lifetime.
~from my heart
D
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