The heat of the moment

Have you ever put yourself in a situation that you new the outcome but you also new you needed to do it anyway? This was me last week. It really had nothing to do with the outcome of the event but it was really just about me and a few players in the magical world of pageantry. I do want to say that before I post this, whether I was there or not, the outcome would have been the same and I am so proud of all the ladies. Let me tell you, it's not easy to throw yourself on a stage or in a room and give your heart and soul in front of those who love you, which is really at the end of the day is what hurts us most yet they don't care at all because they love us. This was just my journey alone. I want address a few issues, questions and debates.

I came in this year knowing I was not liked by a few important people. The names will be nameless because at this point why but they made it clear through text, emails, FB and friends that it was my " what 8th try and I mean nothing and the judges will know". Yes, I still have all those lovely text and emails. I was also accused of things after last years pageants that were not true and yet begged, cried....begged and was told ...oh I am sure that was hard for you but I won't be your friend you aren't worth the air I breath when in fact someone who was in the dressing room confirmed I never said anything to the fact. Ok so I new all the hate walking in this year and the week was humbling.  Bring it to prelim night...I felt amazing...did amazing and was greeted by a staff member in the restaurant who told me to my face in front of a TABLE of people that he wanted to continue to hate me but he thought I looked beautiful on stage that night. I asked for a hug and walked away. When I walked away after so many people heard what some had denied all week, I wanted to run back and say....ahhh thanks....that must have been so hard for you.

When I did not make finals I ran into him and the I shall not say her name and they were so proud they had had taken me down. Like two vultures. I just smiled because they did not because I stood up in front of them and walked across that stage with pride.

You can never take the soul of a person who does not want to be taken. There is something to be gained in ever journey and something to be won in every loss

My heart truth