I feel like I am suffering from the "should of, would of, could of" ailment. It is one of those days that I am left to wonder what I could have changed or should change in my life. Now this isn't an epiphany because to be frank, I go though this at least once a week. Usually it passes with a little retail therapy:)
I think what brought this on is the pending arrival of the oxygen man with new tanks for Carter and the always exciting delivery from Diapers.com for Carters 22k/cal formula which is not sold in stores and is priced as such.
I find myself looking at other Mother's of premature infants blogs to gain an expectation of when Carter might be off oxygen and then I wonder...what did I do to make this happen??? Carter is such a blessing and I am so proud of him but I think every Mother looks at their children in hope and prayers of giving them the best life, quality of life and maybe even things you never had. Some blogs are really hard to read or even see. The struggles they go though cannot be put into words and the journey's are just so amazing. I never really new or understood that there were so many premature infants born everyday until we lived 165 days in the NICU. Sadly, in our time, we were aware of the losses of two children born at Carter's gestational age. Someone said to me that God brought him into your life for a reason and here because he new you could handle what ever challenges that may come his way. As I look down at my little Monkey ...aka Rocky...batting his toys on his bouncy I realize I can and I will. Not an option. He is stating 98 with his hr being 154. Life is good. I will never forget the night is was at 44 @ 100% O2.
On a slightly less heavy note, I have become introduced to the Wendy Williams show this week. She is entertaining and I love her "friends in my head" analogy. To me she just should have said my Facebook friends. Well, at least the majority of our FB friends. So today after my arrivals arrive, I will sit back and reflect on the friends in my head. We will all sit around, drink a glass of wine and discuss our Grammy, Oscar and Emmy wins:!
(I post photo update of Carter almost daily on Facebook!)
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