Whom is me?

Whom is me?

 

It’s hard for me to narrow down just one thing in life that defines who I am. Is it really that easy for anyone over 25? Cough, over 30…I feel like the lady in this is 40. You know the one that you ALWAYS lies about her age. I come with the war wounds called life. I lost my parents far too young. They were 54 and 56. I think in a way it defines me today for many reasons. They both died of Cardiovascular Disease. Unrelated and clearly untimely. Are you allowed to be an orphan as an adult or do you just feel that way? My Mom was adopted so the family tree ended when she passed and it was dramatic. She passed in 2004. My Dad 2001. Sometimes seem so long ago and often like it was yesterday.

 

Heart disease is scary and silent. My Dad’s episode was the heart attack and a two week sudden death in 2001. I was graduating from college that week and could not walk. He passed on June 7 and buried on the 13^th. It was all so sudden and emotional that I think I lost faith and hopes but I was my Mom’s support. My Mom was beautiful and strong. She looked NOTHING like me. Dark hair, dark eyes and Indian. She was always the most amazing one in the room. Back in the day that children could be left in car, my Mom would leave us in the car when she went to the grocery store. I used to stare praying I would be as pretty as she was. This may read shallow but every little girl has a princess and mine was my Mom.

 

When my Mom passed, so much was unexplained. I was in Nashville, her in Atlanta and I was coming down the next day to see her when I got the call. I was at the network, I was the Director of Merchandising for Shop at Home Television, and it was my sister in law. I truly thought because the number was a 727 (Florida) number that it was one of my ex employers kids pranking me so I did not initially pick it up. She was found dead. We were not welcome in the house of her boyfriend when it all happened. My Mom had cardiovascular disease so I was told she threw a clot from renal surgery so they assumed. No autopsy was performed and the situation was beyond unreasonable and uncomfortable. To add to the drama, I called my Dad’s Mom to let her know to only find out that my Grandfather passed the SAME night also. What are the odds?

 

About a month later, my Mother’s boyfriend, Skip West, brought two dogs and a box of photos to my home in Nashville. I had no idea that would be the last time I would ever see him. Skip killed himself and had left me a note to take care of the pups. I think I cried the hardest with his passing and it had nothing to do with him. I cried for my Dad. I cried for my Mom. I cried because I never allowed myself to cry. It is and was such a strange place to be so alone. I called my Mom every day.

 

In 2009 I gave birth to an amazing boy at 23 weeks. We spent 165 days straight in the NICU and a lot of time in hospitals, even today. As I sat in the hospital, everyday being told every acronym in the book on the xyz disease/ailment my son has or may get or when his oxygen was so low they told me to kiss him goodbye, I had no one to call or reach out too. Yes, social media can be good sometimes so you don’t feel so alone, but I had no “family”. I felt lonely and alone.

 

In 2010, I had a heart attack. I was young and did not look the part and had a one year old by my side on oxygen. I had an over 70% blockage in my left anterior descending artery also known as the widow maker. How could this be? I am young, I eat right, don’t smoke and “I think” I live a healthy lifestyle. Reality hit me. Genetics. Yes, years earlier than my parents but stress and life made me face in much earlier and thank goodness it did. Why? Because I am still here for my family. I volunteer with the American Heart Association and through knowledge and self-awareness, it saved my life.

 

In 2013, I had a stroke and was in the ICU. I was so scared, even more so then my heart attack, because I lost the ability to speak for a period of time. Today, I am doing well and my son is also. Life throws things at you. We can’t change that but I hope to always hit the ball back. I have learned the value of life and that it is TRULY short. I also have learned that knowledge and education is key. If it were not for my work the American heart Association, I can’t say I would have called 911 when I felt ridiculous and the first responders made me feel that way too.

I have a beautiful girl and boy. My kiddos and yes I have fur babies!

 

Everyone has a story, a journey and a reason. Listening and understanding are great gifts. It’s just important to hear what is being said.