As I woke up yesterday morning and looked in the mirror, I scared myself. My eyes were so swollen because the night prior I cried myself to sleep. I am not sure what possessed the moment but I decided to go through my Father's wallet. I had never done that before yet had it in my possession for 10 years. No, I didn't take it from him but it was part of his belongings when he passed.
I had placed it in my jewelry box and with Father's day approaching it just became fresh again to me. I miss him. I think what triggered the tears is that as a daughter with an amazing older big Brother, I never felt I ranked with my Dad. He always had my back but was strong and tough and frankly my Brother and him where close and I was just the little sister and daughter.
I found a piece of paper in his wallet that he must have had for a while. My numbers where listed first. Seems strange, I know, but somehow it reminded me how much my Dad loved me and that I was not last on his list.
My Father passed on June 7 2000 in Clearwater, Florida. He had congested heart failure and blew out his mitro valve. His symptoms....he started feeling full. This started around 9am and finally after 5, he entered the hospital with my Brother's assistance. He would not let me help him or call the ambulance.
He was a strong man but I am still so very angry at him. If he would have gone earlier in the day, he would still be here.
He had valve replacement and never left the hospital. He was 54 and my Daddy.
So on June 7, 2012, I continue to cry for him and miss him. Today I want to yell at him. If only he would have listened.
God saw he was getting tired
And a cure was not meant to be
So He put His arms around him
and whispered, "Come with Me".
With tearful eyes
we watched him fade away
Although we loved him dearly,
we could not make him stay
A golden heart stop beating,
working hands were laid to rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us
HE ONLY TAKES THE BEST
Harold Thomas Pemberton~ I love you Daddy.
Listen to your heart
No comments:
Post a Comment