There was a wise man who told me once, "You don't know my life". How true, how true.
People ask me about heart disease and stroke. I talk about signs, symptoms, advocacy, education, youth. Here is the unfortunate reality. PEOPLE DON"T SEE HEART DISEASE. They see a movie and in many cases it is sudden. No less scary, but sudden. The reality is that we don't "loose" anything that screams victim of heart disease. Often, we have an "episode" as the love to call a stroke or MIA but once we have surgery, everyone thinks its "fixed". Heck, I did too. We all want to put it behind us.
Here is what I see everyday when I look in the mirror. Mortality. I remember when my Mom was sick but she seemed to be the one in my mind that would push through anything. Then Lois called to tell me she was found deceased at the house. Alone. She was 56. I remember my Dad. I remember crossing the wrong bridge in the middle of the night. I remember them telling me as his blood gas started to drop, there is nothing we can do. I also remember the BRIEF moment of relief after his valve replacement where I sat outside the hospital thinking everything would be fine.
I remember January of 2010. I remember laying in the ER thinking this can't be happening to me. I remember laying in the ICU just thinking about my son and husband and my life.
I remember waking up after my surgery thinking...I am alive.
I remember driving this week wondering if it was all happening when I felt a pain. Hard not to become paranoid when you looked at mortality in the mirror.
I am scared everyday. I want to see my son grow up. I want to live.
This is why I walk, because I can when the reality is 1 and 3 cannot.
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/dc/deannamlinz
Please join me
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