What a journey and learning experience. Again, I want to stress that I love the International system so much and excited for the new winner. I told Arma she would win photogenic prior to her winning. Where is that winning lottery ticket?:) I saw her in the GYM and facially she is everything I wish I was....STUNNING. I have always been labeled exotic or different, odd description for a blonde haired, blue eyed gal don't you think:) So I don't fit the typical mold, but I am ok with that. Molds are made to be broken. I will continue to have Carrie from "Sex in the City" as my inspiration. I am just about ten pounds and a huge flower on my shoulder away from making that happen!:) Oh and Jimmy Choo's...so really a long way away atleast from the shoes.
In my life I tend to self destruct. People believe in me...finally.... and my worry in letting them down makes me MELT DOWN. About a week before nationals, right on que, the meltdown began. Some knew about it and yes, I let a lot get into my head. Then, I TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT IT, IMPORTANT PEOPLE...stupid.....CHECK THIS BOX HERE! (box inserted)It reminded me of when I worked at Froggy 102.3 in SC and worked as as a host on a different network. Again, I couldn't believe they choose me so I decided to SELF DESTRUCT and leave. The story read so much like what not to do that my college professor actually had me come back and speak to her communications class TWICE as a reminder to NOT BE THIS STUPID. When will I learn?
Life is full of so many leasons. I do believe that God has a path for all of us and I hope that my path is through my son and that he gets to live his dreams. Funny how priorities change huh:). Ok, so I will make him wear the occassional crown shirt but Ed Hardy is in style!
2 comments:
Hey Deanna, this sounds like my year, last year. My husband was in England taking care of a dying parent (pancreatic cancer and he died end of October), no money coming in, and I was suppose to be preparing for a pageant!? I never got my gown in, and my hair and makeup person canceled last minute. All this happened after I committed to entering International, and I didn't want to let my friends and supporters down that believed in me - although I was having a silent "melt down". Sooooo, I know how you feel, and although I don't always know what God has in store for us, what doesn't "kill us" does make us stronger and true winners! You are a sweet girl, and although we don't know each other very well, we share a lot of common situations. My love to you and your family and God Bless you always! Janice
Deanna thanks for sharing and being so candid about your thoughts. Everytime I am in the "self destructive" mood I am going to read your post to remind myself that some of the most amazing and spectacular women also feel the same insecurities as I do. Hopefully doing this will prevent me from doing too much damage :)
You are destined for great things!
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